Interpolated
by SweetDulcinea
Summary: A harmless school dance gives way to hidden truths being revealed. The burden and struggle force Renesmee to make a decision that will inevitably leave someone heartbroken. Written for the Twi Gift Exchange - PostBD AU - Nessie, Jacob, Seth
1. The Snow Ball

**A/N: Twilight & all associated elements are property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is mine.**

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**Chapter 1 - The Snow Ball**

_Interpolated(v) –_

_1. to introduce (something additional or extraneous) between other things or parts_

_2. to alter by insertion of new matter, esp. deceptively or without authorization_

_............. _

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Jacob asked me, looking crushed and pouty. I closed my eyes, rolling them beneath the cover of my eyelids.

"I mean no. What else do you want me to say?"

"Nessie, I just asked if I could escort you to your winter formal and you turned me down. What's up with that?"

Sighing loudly, I tried to explain in a language my loyal pup could understand. "First of all, call me Carlie. You know it's what I go by at school, and I would prefer if everyone else could not blow my cover."

I knew why he was looking all dejected over that. He was the one who came up with that god awful nickname. Sure, everyone liked it better than the ridonkulous name my mother gave me, but I felt like a cartoon character when people called me Nessie.

The sentiment was not lost on me with the whole name thing. Mom wanted to honor her parents and Daddy's. I liked the fact that I carried my grandparents' names, but she could have at least made Carlie my first name and stuck the long ass tongue twister in the middle.

_Le sigh._

Jacob's puppy face was still in full force, but I ignored it, continuing my explanation.

"Second, they have a rule at school about non-student guests for the Snow Ball. One of them is no dates over twenty. Considering that you're a twenty-two year old who looks like he's at least twenty-six, you're not so much an option."

He opened his mouth to protest, but I put a finger over his lips.

"_Third_, this is my school experience, my first formal, and my choice who I want to take. You can't just go asking a high school girl to be her date to a school sponsored function, Jake."

Popping my earbuds back in, I commenced cleaning out the disassembled engine of the GTO Aunt Rosalie and I were restoring for when I turned sixteen. Well, when my body looked sixteen. I was still only six human years old.

I didn't understand Jacob anymore. For the first few years of my life, he had been my buddy, my best friend, my sidekick. Or maybe I had been his. Either way, he was fun and attentive. He spent time with me, taught me things, and paid me all the attention I wanted, even if it included dressing the part and acting out Shakespearean plays as I recited them. For so long, I loved having him around. It made Mom happy because they said he was her best friend for a long time, and Daddy seemed to appreciate the guardian angel role that Jake played. He was my Jacob.

Then I started high school.

For all my early years, the family taught me everything I needed to know, and certainly more than someone my age – both chronological and physical – would ever learn in school. Everyone in the family contributed something. I grew up too fast to be in the public eye, so formal schooling wasn't an option until my age slowed as I hit the teen years.

Right now, I was a freshman in high school; far more intelligent than my "peers," but enjoying the opportunity to make friends and experience things for myself.

Mom and Daddy were nervous about it, but I was used to that by now. They wanted the family, or at least a few of them, to pose as high school students with me and attend my school as well. It was Aunt Alice who put a stop to that, insisting that they all try college instead. That was how we ended up in Oregon. It was far enough away from Forks to be discreet, but close enough that I could still visit Grandpa and Sue, and Jacob and Seth would be relatively close if there were ever an emergency with the tribe.

Jacob was always with us, so I never questioned his presence or why he became a part of the family by proxy. It was just something I accepted. Seth ended up tagging along for a number of reasons. One was that he simply wanted to. He liked Jake and was loyal to him as his Alpha, he liked Daddy, and he enjoyed being around our family. Of all the wolves, he had the most easygoing relationship with the Cullens. The tribe agreed that Jake should have another pack brother with him, if for no other reason than as a precaution.

When Jacob started acting strange, I blew him off. I was supposed to be enjoying the high school experience, but his behavior felt uncomfortably possessive at times. He always wanted to know where I was, what I was doing, who I made friends with at school, and every bit of information about everyone and everything. Our friendship deteriorated and he became more of an imposition in my life than the constant companion he once was.

Now he was more like a constant pain in my ass.

Lucky for me, Seth was _not_ a pain in the ass. He was funny, laidback, and sweet. When he decided that this would be a good time for him to finally go back to high school and get his diploma after dropping out six years ago, I was ecstatic. Seth was protective of me, but not in the same way as my family or Jacob. Being in school together, he was a good friend and not overbearing.

I thought that it had a lot to do with when he phased. Jacob had been sixteen years old, and from what Mom says, he was already pretty mature for a guy his age. His attitude and disposition remained as that of a guy in his early twenties, no matter how old he was in human years. Seth, on the other hand, was only fourteen, so he truly was much more of a teen than Jake. It wasn't that Seth lacked maturity, because he certainly didn't, he was just more like me than Jacob.

My relationship with Jacob became strained in the first few months of high school, but the friendship with Seth blossomed.

I liked Seth a lot. I couldn't remember ever _not_ knowing him, considering that he had been around since Mom was pregnant with me. In fact, I had a special respect for him since he had helped protect my parents from that vindictive vampire Victoria back when my mother was still human. Now, he was more than just a guy in the background. He was one of my best friends at school, a study partner at home, and an all around cool person.

That was why I wanted _him_ to be my date for the Snow Ball at the end of January. Not Jacob. Seth.

To be completely honest, I had absolutely no idea how to broach the subject with him. Did I just walk up to him and ask? Or was I supposed to wait for the guy to ask me? What if he didn't want to go with me, though? What if he already had some other girl he wanted to ask? I hated feeling confused.

I really shouldn't have been surprised when Daddy came to my bedroom a few nights later. I heard him before he knocked, of course, but he still did so as a formality. It was sweet of him to give me some semblance of privacy, even when our family lived close together in four houses spread across a piece of old farm land. Daddy, Mom, and I were in one, Grandma and Grandpa shared the original farmhouse, my aunts and uncles were in a third home, and the wolves occupied the fourth. Everyone said it was better for the scent that way. Personally, they all smelled fine to me. The vampires were like flowers and candy, and the wolves had rustic smells, like trees and ferns.

"Carlie, baby? Can I come in?"

"Sure, Daddy," I replied, giving him permission to enter. "Thanks for the name thing," I added. "Do you know that you're the only one who has never messed that up? Well, you and Seth, I suppose."

"I didn't know that," he said, giving me a sweet half smile. I knew that was the same one that my mom liked so much. I could tell why. My dad was a charmer.

Smiling back, I asked him if there was something he needed.

"Just wondering if there's anything you'd like to talk about."

I shifted uncomfortably on my bed, setting my Accelerated Algebra textbook aside and clearing a space for him at the end of the twin size mattress.

"What are you digging for?" I asked, thinking up a humorous image of him flipping my head open and rooting through it in search of something. He laughed at my silly antics and placed his hand over mine.

"I think that we should talk about your feelings for Seth, sweetheart. It's been on your mind for quite some time now. I know that talking to your dad about this kind of thing probably isn't the most ideal situation, but it still needs to be addressed."

"No, it's okay," I admitted. "You'll know whatever I think about, so there's no use trying hedge anyway. I love you, Daddy. I'd rather discuss it with you since you'll have a better understanding than just my explanations. Even if it a teensy bit weird to talk to my dad about boys," I teased.

He scooted closer to me, pulling me into an affectionate, fatherly hug. "I know that perspectives can become a little skewed now that you and I appear to be nearly the same age, but I'll always be your dad, and I'll always love you like you're my baby girl. _But_," he added, "I will also do my best to treat you as an intelligent, responsible young woman, as long as you continue to behave as one."

Hugging back, I nestled my head onto his chest, watching my bronze curls tumble across his shirt. I loved that our hair was the same exact shade, and I often wondered how much fun it would be when we could pretend to be siblings or twins when we attended school together in the future.

"So…" he said, nudging me to get on with it.

"I don't really know what I feel right now. I mean, I like hanging out with Seth and talking to him. I think it would be fun to go to that dance with him. Beyond that, I really have no clue what I think. Maybe I like him _that_ way and maybe I don't. It's hard to tell yet."

"Hmm, I see," he said softly, humming with acceptance of my words.

"When did this start, if you don't mind sharing that kind of thing with your old dad."

I giggled at him, pushing my shoulder into him playfully. "Geez, I don't know. We've had more time to do stuff together since school started, but I can't really put a date or time on it, you know? It just sort of happened."

"Well, honey, I have a pretty good feeling that if you spoke to Seth about the dance, he would be more than happy to attend with you."

"Really?" I asked, jumping back and reacting in a manner that was much more excited than I anticipated I would be. "I mean, has he thought about it?"

"You know I won't tell you what goes on in other people's minds, but it's a pretty good hunch I have, all right?"

"Thanks, Daddy," I said, a wide smile growing across my face. He gave me another squeeze.

"There's something else we should discuss, though." His voice was more serious this time, and it made me feel a bit uneasy. I didn't like his tone at all. "It's about Jacob."

I gulped. "Yeah?"

"He's hurt right now. I'm not saying that you should feel guilty, because it is your decision about the dance, but please tread lightly where he is concerned."

I was suddenly very concerned about why my dad would be defending Jacob this way. They got along, but it seemed strange for some reason.

"He's very protective of you, much like I was when I first fell in love with your mother," he explained carefully. "He has felt that way about you since the day you were born, and this…change in your relationship is affecting him very much."

"I don't understand," I replied in an almost whiny voice. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but I was frustrated and confused, and Daddy was starting to get a little cryptic.

"I know you don't, and you're not supposed to right now. Just remember that he cares for you and loves you very much. Whatever role you want him to play in your life, he will, but not having any place…that is almost unbearable for him. Be the compassionate young woman we've raised you as and don't cut him out completely. The things he does are all with good intentions."

After speaking for a few more minutes, Daddy gave me one more firm hug, pressing a kiss into the top of my head before exiting my bedroom. Head swimming, I fell back against my pillows, closing my eyes and attempting to rest my mind.

***********

Jacob picked us up from school the next day, and I leaned over the bench in the front seat of his truck to give him a warm hug. "Hey Jake," I smiled. I was trying, just as Daddy requested.

His grin in return showed gratefulness and relief, allowing me to rest easy.

A few moments later, Seth appeared from the front doors of the school, bounding over to the truck before opening the back door and jumping inside.

"Hey Jake! Hi again, Carlie. What's happening?"

We shared light conversation on the drive home, commenting on the recent snowfall and the winning record of the boys' basketball team at school. I was about to hop out as Jacob pulled up to my house when I realized something.

"Oh shoot, Jake, just head over to your house. I think I left my French book there the other day when we were studying, and I need it to do my homework tonight."

Jacob complied, driving around the circular drive and taking the gravel path to their house.

"Do you just want to do the homework with me?" Seth asked once we were inside. He pulled a soda from the fridge and offered one to me. I politely turned down the offer.

I agreed to stay to do homework, and we sat at the kitchen table with our books and notebooks open as we worked. When we completed the assignment, Seth started telling me about some new CDs he had purchased recently, so I followed him into his bedroom to load the music onto my mp3 player.

Seth's room had a nice warm feeling. The walls were a chocolate color with a hint of a subtle reddish-purple. It complimented the oak furniture and linens in varying shades of blues and tans. Seth created collages of album covers he liked, pasting them together purposefully, then having each collection framed. There were a number of them. Some were done by color, while others were by genre. My favorite was his Beatles collection that had all the albums in chronological order. It looked very cool in his room.

As we waited for the music to upload, I sat on his bed, bouncing nervously and watching him in the swiveling chair at his desk.

"Hey Seth?" I asked nervously, trying to find the best way to say what I wanted.

"Yeah?" he replied, rotating his chair to look at me.

"You know that Snow Ball thing at school?"

"That dance at the end of this month?"

"Uh huh. You gonna go?"

"I dunno. Maybe."

Feeling anxious and queasy, I stayed silent for a moment, trying to think, but failing.

"You?" he asked after a long stretch of silence.

My stomach flipped. "Yeah, I think I'd like to."

He hummed noncommittally, not looking at me.

We were quiet a bit longer, but then I stood up and took a few deep breaths as I leaned against the edge of his desk. I held my hand out, palm down. He recognized my gesture – it was a request for him to take my hand so that I could show him something that was on my mind. We had done this many times as I grew up.

His hand met mine automatically and without reservation, and once that important contact was there, I opened my mind and made my case. I flashed the memory of a poster at school advertising the dance, then I imagined myself in a pretty dress and him in dress pants and a crisp white shirt with a tie.

"You want to go with me?" he asked, meeting my eyes slowly. I nodded, biting my lip in a way that I knew made me look like my mom. "What about Jake?"

"He's too old," I said, brushing off the idea. "Plus, I'd rather go with you. If you want to…I guess," I finished nervously.

"I think…" he began, but drifted off for a few seconds. I squeezed his hand, still pressed against mine, waiting for an answer. "I think it would be a lot of fun to go together."

Releasing my lip that I had been chewing on again, I gave him a confident smile this time. The shy, hesitant one from earlier was long gone now that he had agreed to be my date. His smile was a mirror to mine, large and pleased, his straight white teeth standing out from the russet of his skin and the cherry color of his lips.

**********

Three weeks later, I was in Aunt Alice's bathroom with her and Aunt Rosalie as they helped me prepare for the dance. Mom had opted out of this portion of the night as the anti-fashion queen. Alice didn't complain about her absence. She would instead be photographer before we departed for the dance. Emmett volunteered to drive us since Seth was only fifteen years old, according to school records. I was glad it wasn't my parents or Jacob driving tonight. I felt like that would be a little weird.

My dress was turquoise with a black sash below my breasts. The color was one of my favorites to wear. I had always thought it complemented my hair and skin tone nicely. Alice had styled my hair in a loose but fashionable manner. Most of it hung down my back, but a small portion was pinned back in loose twists to keep it out of my face. Rosalie applied the perfect amount of make-up to my face, even though we all knew I didn't need it. The only person, mortal or immortal, who rivaled Rosalie's beauty was me. Had she not loved and adored me so much, I'm not sure that she would have liked me, but she quelled her jealousy for my sake. There was no room for those kinds of silly feelings in our family anyway.

As I examined myself in the full-length mirror, it was the first time that I truly felt independent and like a woman. My body had changed so rapidly that breasts and hips came to me in a few short months. I was tall like Rosalie, though not as statuesque as my dad. My body was mostly slim like both my parents, but I had more curves than mom did. My chest was more ample, and my bottom was rounder. There was a bit more definition over my hips. I was not voluptuous in the model-like way of Rosalie, but my body was perfectly proportioned and attractive. My ensemble for the evening accentuated every positive thing about me.

I _knew_ I was beautiful, but tonight, I actually _felt_ beautiful.

When we descended the stairs to join everyone who was waiting, I smiled and saw Seth smile back at me. He looked handsome in an outfit very much like the one I imagined him wearing when I asked him to be my date for this dance. His tie was the same shade of black as his pants and had small turquoise diamonds all over it that matched my dress. I complimented him on his suave look, and he told me that every girl at the Snow Ball was going to hate me for looking so much better than all of them.

After a round of pictures and a bunch of unnecessary formalities about what time the dance ended, we climbed into Emmett's brand new Jeep and headed for the school. No one mentioned the way Jacob scowled at Seth and me when we put our arms around each other and smiled for pictures, nor did we acknowledge him when he slipped out the back door, letting it slam shut on his way. My focus was on having fun with Seth and my school friends at my very first dance. I wasn't sure if I could label it as a first date, but I secretly thought of it that way in my head. The thought of Seth telling me otherwise if I said it aloud was too unpleasant to risk.

Everything was better than I could have ever anticipated. All eyes really were on me throughout the night, and I couldn't help but enjoy it. It may have been a bit vain and shallow to think that way, but when you've been fawned over since birth, it's hard to _not_ feel special and enjoy attention.

For the first forty-five minutes, we lingered in the lobby and around the refreshments, socializing together and apart. Many photographs were taken. Teenagers loved the opportunity to dress up and feel grown up or glamorous, so smiling faces and laughter were prevalent. Girls pranced around happily while guys huddled together in groups, telling jokes and commenting on which girls looked the best and which less popular ones really caught their attention when they were all dolled up for the event.

Another hour passed with dancing in large groups, and only one slow song came on in all that time. Seth was across the gymnasium when it started, so a junior guy I knew from my photography class asked me to dance with him.

Finally, after the Snow Ball prince and princess were announced, the DJ began interspersing more slow music throughout his playlist. The first one was a love ballad made popular on Top Forty radio, and girls all around me squeed as they embraced their dates and boyfriends. I giggled at the reactions, smiling and looking up at Seth through my eyelashes as he took my hand. It was a bit awkward at first, as neither of us knew what the proper distance was for friends. His hands settled safely on the sides of my waist, not too high and not too low. My arms wrapped around his neck, but I only allowed my fingers to hook behind his neck, leaving a vast wasteland of space between us. I felt the urge to close that gap and press myself into him, but I didn't.

The night was going so well, but I still felt unsettled. Seth had done nothing wrong, and I wondered if that was the problem. A strong part of me wanted him to hold me tightly the way I saw other guys doing. I wondered what his fingers would feel like tracing up and down my back…or resting suggestively at the crest of my bottom.

Those feelings confused me because I had no idea if he ever really would do something like that. He had agreed to be my date and seemed to be enjoying himself, but that didn't give me any answers. My friends only fueled my internal debate.

"I think Seth likes you," my friend Marina said matter-of-factly on our walk back from the water fountains. Seth had gone to use the restroom and hadn't returned yet. Marina's boyfriend, Chad, was with us.

"Oh yeah," he chimed in immediately. "Can't keep his eyes off you, even when you're not around him."

"Really?" I asked hopefully, grabbing my throat when my voice squeaked. _How embarrassing!_

They laughed at me, but only for a moment. Nevertheless, I felt my cheeks heat up in the way my family always told me reminded them of my mother. I favored Daddy much more with my features and hair, but my eyes, blush, and lip biting habit were all hers.

"Give him a little more signal, you know?" Chad suggested. I didn't know, so he elaborated. "Dance closer, touch him more often, smile more."

I couldn't imagine smiling any more than I already had been, considering how happy I was to have this time alone with Seth all night long, but I would try to be more conscious of it, if it would help.

As it turned out, my tactics weren't really necessary. When Seth found us outside the gym, he held my hand for the first time and led me into the thick of the dance floor. Although our skin made contact, I kept my thoughts closed off from him. There were things I wanted him to see and questions I wanted answered, but I preferred to act like a normal teenager right now and figure this out the natural way.

A slow song came on just then, so I took a step closer than before. My hold on him was more of an embrace this time, keeping us close, but not pressing our chests together. The new proximity forced him to enclose my waist in his arms, lest they be bent at an uncomfortable angle.

I looked at him and he smiled sweetly. His teeth were bright against his dark skin, even in the dimly lit room. "I'm having a really good time," he told me.

"Me too," I agreed, and we danced in relative silence, spinning in slow circles while he hummed along to the song. His tune was slightly off-key, but it was cute and charming.

The DJ segued right into another romantic slow song, so we held our embrace. Little by little, with each spin, I inched closer to him. We shared snippets of conversation, but we were mostly quiet, listening to the music or focusing on one another. I'm not sure where his mind was, but mine was completely his in those moments. Finally, our bodies were flush against each other, and I laid my head over his heart. With my enhanced hearing, I could tell that it was beating faster than usual, a turn of events that made me smile to myself.

"You look really…beautiful," he said cautiously. I wondered why he sounded so nervous. I hoped it was for the reasons I wanted.

Tentatively, I ran my fingers up his neck with a feathering touch, toying with the hair at the nape. He hummed once, which did not escape my notice, so I continued, getting braver as I did.

"I'm really glad you came with me tonight. Thanks for that."

"You're welcome," he said, looking down at me. I tipped my head up to see his face as we spoke. "It was sort of surprising that you wanted to go with me, but it's been fun."

"Why would you say that?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, I thought you would want Jake to be your date, and when you said you didn't, I guess I was surprised you'd pick me instead of one of the guys here at school."

"What guys?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

He laughed at my question. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe one of the fifty or so who drool over you every day," he said sarcastically.

"Whatever."

"It's true."

"Well, even if it is, I don't like any of them."

"Huh," was all he said after that, and I felt really nervous about his lack of response.

I shifted away from him for a minute, averting my eyes to watch people around us for a while. A third slow song had already started, and we continued to dance.

What he said – and didn't say – was getting to me. I implied that I was interested in him as something more than friends, and I got nothing in return. It was doing a number to my self-confidence by the second, while at the same time making me feel frustrated and angry. Times like these were when I craved blood much more than human food.

Steeling myself with a deep breath, I decided that there was only one way to get the answers I desired, and that was to face the situation directly. I opened and closed my fists behind his back, dragging them forward to his shoulders. My feet stopped moving and I placed my hands firmly on either side of his neck. Palms flattened against his skin and my fingers fanned out, curving around to the back. Seth stopped moving when I did, looking down at me seriously. I could see my look of determination in the mirror of his dark, shining eyes.

Opening my mind and sending the pictures to him, I expressed my feelings to him in the way that was most natural to me, the way I communicated before I ever learned to speak.

To my complete embarrassment and dismay, Seth jumped back when the message became clear. I had essentially told him that I liked him in _that_ way…and he rejected me.

"I'm sorry, Nes- shit, Carlie. I'm sorry, Carlie. It just…we can't."

Before I had time to respond, Seth had darted away, making his escape from the gymnasium and apparently as far away from me as he could get.

Alone, stunned, and heartbroken, I stood in the middle of the dance floor, tears welling in my eyes. Most people continued to move around me. A few couples stopped to gape at me, having noticed Seth's abrupt departure. It wasn't until Marina came to my side that I moved.

"Come on, Carlie, let's go into the restroom and fix your make-up. We can talk in there."

I allowed her to guide me, and although I was sure people were staring, I didn't meet any of their eyes.

"Tell me what happened," Marina implored.

Feeling numb, I complied, sniffling the entire time. "I told him I like him and he took off. Just like that! What do I do now? I've known him practically my whole life!"

"Maybe that's the thing," she offered. "You know, since you said your families are so close, it might make him feel weird or nervous. He might be scared that it could mess things up, but Carlie, I promise, I _know_ that he likes you."

"Then how could he do that?" I sobbed. "He just took off and left me all alone in the middle of the dance. That's mortifying! Everyone is probably out there laughing at me."

"Shh, it's okay, sweetie. Everything will be all right."

Once my make-up was fixed and my breathing leveled out, I told Marina that I needed some time alone to get fresh air. My frustration and surge of emotions had spiked my desire for blood, and I knew that I wouldn't fully calm down until I sated that need. Slipping around the back of the school, I took off my heeled shoes and jogged through a shadow until I reached the forest. I dropped my pumps near a tree and took off running.

I smelled a fox nearby and could tell from the hint of blood in the air that it had just captured a rabbit. Foxes didn't supply much blood, so my family usually avoided them. But they were sweet and tasty, and tonight, it would be just the right amount to help me gain back control of my bearings.

The fox sensed a predator and clenched its meal between its teeth before darting toward its hole, but I was too fast. I snatched the small creature by his tail and snapped his neck before he had the opportunity to rear back on me. Drawing the small, limp body to my mouth, I sunk my teeth into his neck where there was the least amount of fur and drained him quickly.

Almost immediately, I could feel the blood soothing me as it ran down my throat and through my body. As I took several deep breaths of the crisp January air, I heard the familiar padding of gargantuan wolf paws approaching. When I turned around, Seth was standing ten yards away from me in only a pair of boxer shorts.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, a frown on his lips and his eyebrows scrunched together.

I held the lifeless body of the fox up for him to see before unceremoniously dropping it at my feet. "I needed a snack," I deadpanned.

"In the middle of the dance?" he asked in disbelief.

"Well, I was a little worked up and needed something to take the edge off," I snapped, not caring that my words were harsh and accusing. "My date bailed on me."

"I'm _sorry_," he said emphatically. "I was a jerk, but you freaked me out in there and I didn't want to lose control in front of all those people, you know?"

"Why would you lose control? I don't understand why you would react that way! I mean, you said I looked beautiful and that you were having fun with me. You held my hand, we danced. What's the problem? I thought you liked me."

He didn't respond right away, but when he did, the fierce emotion in his tone made me gasp. "I _do._ That's the problem!"

"Why is it a problem?" I demanded, moving closer to him. He stayed frozen in place, but looked as though he would disappear again if I came too near to him.

"You just don't understand, I can't do that to Jacob."

"_Do what?_" I howled. "Why does he have anything to do with this? Is it because he's mad that I'm spending more time with you than him since we started school? That's so ridiculous. He doesn't have any claim on me! I can do what I want!"

"But he _does_." Seth said, much quieter this time, but no less serious.

"No, he _doesn't_. You don't make any sense."

"You just don't get it," he said. "I freaking hate that no one has told you because you deserve to know the truth."

"Then you tell me. Please, Seth."

By that point, I was right in front of him, nearly as close as when we were dancing, except this time, his body was almost bare and we were both seething with emotions.

The look he gave me was one of absolute defeat. I still could not understand what he was keeping from me.

"Please," I begged again, taking his hand in mine. He tried to pull away weakly, but I would not allow it.

"It's not my place. It's something between you, Jacob, and your parents." His voice was so quiet that if I were a human, I would have had to strain to hear him. But I didn't. I heard every word, and each one confused me further.

I didn't want to feel that way, and I didn't want to wait for answers. All I wanted was to understand what was going on before I screamed.

"Don't do this to me, I'm begging you. All I want is answers, and I know you have them." Hesitantly, I put my free hand flat against his stomach. He drew in a sharp breath as I dragged it up his chest. I moved my other hand from his so that they were both lying on his pecs, gently rubbing up and down. I had no idea what I was doing. I had never touched anyone this way, but I was going by pure instinct. "Just tell me. All you have to do is say the words and then I'll understand why you don't want me."

"Carlie, I never said that I don't want you," he answered, his voice trembling.

I couldn't stop touching him. My mind was in so many different places and my emotions were off the charts, but I just kept rubbing my hands on his dark, hot skin. I had seen him and Jacob both shirtless more times than I could remember, not to mention the rest of the pack, but this was different. I was seeing Seth with new eyes, and he was gorgeous. His body was tall and hard, rippling with muscles, and his skin was so deliciously hot. He was not hulking like Jacob or Uncle Emmett, but he definitely was not slight. I would compare him to Uncle Jasper, but with thicker arms and a more solid presence about him.

"You've gotta stop that," he muttered, closing his eyes tightly and placing his hands over mine. He didn't halt my actions though, despite his words.

"Give me a reason why and I will," I replied, unsure where those confident words came from as they left my mouth.

He didn't respond and I didn't stop. My touch didn't stray from the wide expanse of his upper chest, but I didn't need to. There was so much to feel there, and the motion was becoming soothing and intoxicating all at once.

"Seth…" I whispered after a long stretch of silence.

My thought never reached completion because before I could find my words, his scorching lips were pressed against mine and his arms were around me. I froze for the first fraction of a second, but then I was kissing him back. Again, I didn't know what to do, yet my instincts drove me. Our mouths seemed to mold against one another and it was a feeling I had never experienced.

We started with soft, small pecks, and then our lips moved and didn't stop. I felt his tongue graze my lip and understood what he wanted. Mine parted enough for our tongues to lightly caress, which was all we needed for the fire to consume us. It wasn't a frenzy, but there was still a certain desperation in the action. All I knew was that I never wanted it to stop.

His mouth trailed across my face and down the side of my neck, holding its place on the top of my shoulder. I leaned into him, tucking my face into the side of his neck and doing the same thing.

"We have to stop," he panted, but I couldn't.

He did, but I continued, peppering his shoulders, collar bone and neck with alternating wet and dry kisses as I moved across his skin. His hands were in my hair at the back of my head, not guiding, only accepting where I chose to go.

The intensity was explosive, and I wanted more, more, more. I took a chance, moving down past his collar bone and lavishing my tongue over the place my hands had been resting minutes prior.

It was incredible and unlike anything I had ever known. When he pulled me back to his mouth, I devoured his lips, giving of myself and taking from him at the same time. Just when his fingertips grazed the back of my thigh below the hem of my dress, a sharp whistle sounded from behind Seth.

He whipped around immediately, shielding me with his body and his arms held out to keep me safe. When we saw that it was Emmett in the distance, we both calmed considerably and began walking toward him. I noticed that he was holding my shoes and Seth's clothes, which he tossed at us while shaking his head.

"Let's get a move on. The dance has been over for more than half an hour, and I get the feeling you two need to prepare for a fallout when we get home."

I jogged to Uncle Emmett's side and looked up at him. "Are you mad at me?" I asked him hesitantly.

"No, kiddo, but your pup here is in for a world of hurt."

"What is that supposed to mean? Why is everyone being so damn cryptic lately?"

"Watch your mouth," Emmett shot back immediately, but he still pulled me in for a firm side hug. "I don't think anyone will be keeping secrets after tonight."

Turning my head to Seth, who was a few steps behind us, I gave him a concerned, questioning look.

"Don't worry about me. I can hold my own, and I know how to take responsibility for my actions."

"My physical age may not match the number of years I've been alive, but I assure you that I can think for myself just fine. I'm not much younger than Mom was when she decided she wanted to give up her life to be with Daddy, so I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to kiss who I please."

"It's more than that," Seth said, stepping up and placing his hand in mine for a moment as we walked. "There are things about the pack you've never been told, and it's time that you know. Jacob is the Alpha, and it's something between the two of you, so you'll have to wait for him to get your answers."

The ride home was silent, and I couldn't keep the sense of foreboding at bay. Emmett hesitated as we entered the property, not sure which way to go first.

"I think I should drop you off first, kiddo," he said.

"Oh no," I protested. Take me to Jake and Seth's house. I'm getting my answers _tonight._"

Seth and Emmett exchanged a look, and when Seth nodded, Emmett pulled out his phone and started dialing. "If you're going to do this, Edward and Bella need to be there." Holding the phone to his ear, he only said a few words before hanging up and turning the Jeep toward our destination. "Meet me at Jacob's. Shit's going down and you all need to tell her the truth."

When we stopped in front of the house, I took a deep breath, preparing for God only knows. Well, that wasn't true. Apparently, everyone knew what the hell this was all about except for me.

Seth entered the house first, and I was close behind. Jacob was in his face so fast that it made me take a step back, running into Emmett, who steadied me.

"You've got a hell of a lot of explaining to do," Jacob snarled, actually _circling_ Seth like a shark, his nostrils flaring as he tipped his head toward his pack brother.

Seth's face was stoic and hard, revealing no intimidation. "So do you. She's here to get her truth."

"What did you do, you traitor?"

Seth glared at him. 'You're got a lot of nerve, Jacob. You may be Alpha, but you don't get to belittle me."

"Her scent is all over you!"

"Hey!" I yelled at him, making his head snap up in my direction.

"Care to include me in this conversation? I would _love_ to know what you are freaking out about."

"Would you?" he sneered. His tone and dark expression rocked me. Jacob had never been anything but kind and loving toward me, even when he got on my nerves. "You're just as guilty!" He moved dangerously close to me, skimming his nose across my cheek and down my neck.

I pulled back and slapped him across the face with all my might.

"How dare you judge me! Or Seth, for that matter. What goes on between us is not your business, Jacob Black!"

He had taken a few stunned steps back after my assault and Emmett moved between us. I reached for Seth's hand, but he shook his head minutely. I didn't know why, but I trusted him and didn't allow his refusal to hurt me.

"Yes, it is my business!" Jacob bellowed. "You are mine and Seth knows it. He is breaking tribal law."

"_I'm not a possession!_" I screamed at the top of my lungs, throwing my hands in the air and turning to leave. Just then, my parents ran through the door, pulling it from the hinges. They flanked me, enveloping my body in a protective embrace and growling at Jacob.

"Emmett, go get Jasper, please. We need everyone to settle down before anything can be accomplished," my dad said calmly. Mom took a step toward Jacob, pulling him out of the foyer and into the kitchen. Once it was just me, Seth, and my dad, he looked at both of us carefully. "Would you like to get me up to speed?"

Neither of us spoke, but I knew that my dad was looking into our minds for details. Seth kept his head down. I stood my ground, hoping that he would understand that I was not ashamed of my actions, even if my father was peeking at the intimate details of my first kiss.

"I see," he said eventually. "Seth, you know I've always been very fond of you, and while there are certain things I would rather not witness in your minds, I know that you truly care for my daughter. That being said, I understand that this situation is not your fault, nor are your natural feelings. We'll do our best to take care of this together."

Just then, my uncles entered the house, and Daddy directed Jasper toward the kitchen to help calm Jacob, who could be heard arguing with my mom.

Emmett walked over to Seth. "I think you should come stay at our place for a while. Let's allow everyone to take care of this."

Seth's eyes moved from me and back to Emmett. "What about Rosalie?"

"She'll deal with the smell. These are extenuating circumstances."

I watched Seth jog to his room and return a few minutes later with a duffle bag on his shoulder. My heart clenched in a way that was new and strange as I walked over to him. Stopping before we could touch, I looked into his eyes, searching for something…anything.

His large hand met my face and I leaned into the warm touch. "No matter what, I had a wonderful time with you at the dance. Thank you for allowing me to escort you tonight."

When I inched closer, he gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. Tears pricked in my eyes when he and Emmett ran from the house.

Alone with my father, he came to me, providing me with a reassuring hug. "I'm sorry things are happening this way. Perhaps you should have been told sooner, but no one knew the best way to handle such a delicate situation."

"I'm so confused," I said with an exaggerated sigh, sagging my shoulder dramatically.

"I know, baby. Let's go sit down."

Beside me on the sofa, Daddy softly told Mom that we were ready. A minute later, she walked into the living room, followed by Jacob and Uncle Jasper. Mom sat beside me, and Jake was in the recliner that Jasper pulled a few feet away from the couch. He stayed behind Jacob's chair, watching him carefully.

* * *

**Note: You can view the banner for this story on my blog: sweetdulci(dot)blogspot(dot)com - I'm working on getting the playlist up there soon. Thank you to tby789 for the beautiful banner and DahliaBlack for amazing beta work on the entire story.  
**


	2. Veritas

**Chapter 2 - Veritas**

I looked at Jacob, who no longer appeared angry or upset. I wondered if it was my mom or Jasper who had quelled his rage, but at this point, it didn't matter. When he finally met my eyes, I was stunned to see his pained expression. It was as if his heart was reaching out to me with some invisible force, but his body was tied down. He lacked control, somehow, and it was hurting him.

_Had I done that to him? How was that possible?_

"Tell me what on earth is going on with you, Jake," I said. My words came out harsher than I intended them to, but he didn't seem surprised by my tone.

"It's complicated," he said slowly, which made me roll my eyes. "I should have trusted you and explained things to you sooner, but it was a delicate situation. Your family and everyone else have kept the truth from you because I insisted upon it. I can see now that it wasn't the best choice, but I really don't know what could have been the right way."

"Go on," I said, feeling my mom and dad each take one of my hands in theirs.

"Nessie, tell me what you see when you look at Sam and Emily together."

I wanted to protest about him calling me that name, but I didn't bother. I was more concerned with what Sam and Emily had to do with anything, and I told him that. He insisted that it was relevant, so I considered the question and gave him an answer.

"They seem to be very much in love. They look a lot like my family when they're with their mates."

"What about Jared and Kim?"

"The same," I said, still completely confused.

"Exactly. Now, think about Quil and Claire."

"Wait," I protested. "You're supposed to be talking about us, then you go off about your pack brothers and their wives. Then you move on to Quil baby-sitting Claire? I'm not seeing a pattern here, aside from the tribe."

"Just think about what you see when Quil plays with Claire."

"I don't know, Jake. He's always happy and smiling when she's around, and it seems like he'll do practically anything for her. I mean, I've seen him play _Pretty, Pretty Princess_ and watch _Barbie_ movies more times than I can remember."

"_Exactly,_" he repeated passionately.

"Uhh, still totally confused over here," I huffed.

"You just said it, Ness. He would do practically anything for her. It's the same with Sam and Emily and with Jared and Kim," he explained. Taking a deep breath, he looked at me with a gaze so intense and meaningful that I sat back on the couch to distance myself from his eyes. "Nessie, it's the same way for me too…when I'm around you. I would do absolutely anything to make you happy." His voice was so serious that it made me uncomfortable.

Mom and Dad squeezed my hands, both taking unnecessary breaths but staying quiet.

"Why do you feel that way? Because you've known me since I was born? And what does it have to do with your friends?"

"Something happened to me the day you born. It's the same thing that happened to Quil when he first saw Claire, and what happened to Sam and Jared when they saw their wives after the first time they phased. It's called imprinting."

"Imprinting?" I said slowly, tasting the word as it rolled off my tongue. "Like baby birds? They hatch and are immediately attached to their mother?"

My dad actually laughed quietly, and I stole a glance at him before Mom silenced him by growling his name. I looked back at Jacob, raising my eyebrows.

He scratched the back of his head before speaking to me again. "It's not quite the same as that, but there are very small similarities. You know that the wolf gene only runs through certain bloodlines in the tribe, right?" I nodded. "Well, imprinting is a phenomenon that has accompanied the wolves. We don't know how or why it happens because not everyone experiences it, but the elders of the past believed that it occurred to keep the bloodlines strong through our descendents."

"So imprinting is like…you marking territory on a woman?" I asked.

"No, but in a way, it can seem so. An imprint is like magic. It's an invisible binding, and those two people are fated to be together."

"You're telling me that you decided when I was a few hours old that I was going to be your mate?" I said dryly. "That's disgusting."

Jacob jumped to his feet, but Jasper was in front of him in a flash, pushing him back into the chair.

"No!" he protested. "It's not a choice, Ness. I can't describe the feeling. It's like someone tied a rope around my heart and attached the other end to you. It's unbreakable. Wherever you go, I will always want to follow. I will always want what is best for you and what makes you happy. Think back on your life. Do you remember all the things I've done, not because I wanted to, but for you alone. I'm not bitter, I just want you to see it…to realize."

Curling into Daddy's side, I tried to wrap my head around everything that Jacob was explaining to me. So little of it made sense, but I had to remember that I was a half-human, half-vampire who lived with my family of vegetarian vampires and our shape-shifting wolf friends. Believing in some sort of crazy love at first sight shouldn't have been too much of a stretch of the imagination.

"What now?" I asked. "I'm supposed to be in love with you now? Are you in love with me, Jacob? Is that why you've been acting so strange and possessive lately? Is that why you wanted to hurt Seth?"

He scrubbed his hands over his face, falling forward until his elbows rested on his knees. He groaned loudly, but didn't look up at me.

"No, you don't have to fall in love with me. My imprint makes me unfathomably devoted and loyal to you. When you were a baby and needed someone to care for you, that was my desire. When you were a child and needed a playmate or tutor, I assumed that role. Now that you're older, things are more complicated. You have the free will to do as you please, but since you've become very adult-like, it has been difficult for me to _not_ view you a little differently. The desire to be near you all the time is becoming something uncontrollable."

I sat in silence, hiding my face in my dad's shoulder and shaking my head back and forth, as if that would make all this new information disappear. But I had asked for this. I wanted to know the truth, and here it was. It was so much to take in, and I did not fully understand it yet.

Hearing my barrage of questions and confusion play out in my mind, my dad rubbed my back and shushed me comfortingly.

"We've all known this since you were born, sweetheart," he explained. "You have your free will, but we have all assumed that when you were fully grown that you and Jacob would eventually be…romantic."

"You say I get a choice, yet everything I'm hearing is telling me that I'm _supposed_ to do this and that by…having feelings…for someone else, I'm doing something wrong. That's not fair!"

"Honey, you're not doing anything wrong," my mom piped in. I lifted my head to look at her as she spoke. With a quick peek at Jacob, I saw that his face was buried his hands, but I needed to focus on what Mom was saying. "It's just that…"

"No woman has ever _not_ chosen the man who imprinted on her," Jacob interrupted. His voice was flat and tortured. Knowing that it had come on account of me was almost too heavy to bear.

"Why is this happening to me?" I moaned. As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I regretted them. Jacob literally winced and fell back into his chair.

"I've never wanted to push you, Nessie," he said with a new, pleading tone. "All I've ever wanted is your happiness. I've tried to be the best friend you could have – trustworthy, understanding, reliable – but now that you're older, it's harder for me to see you drift away from me. I feel like you don't need me the way you used to, so when you want less of me while I find myself wanting more of you…it kills me."

"What I think Jacob is trying to say is that, because of the imprint, it's physically painful for him at times," my mother spoke again. "That is not to make you feel guilty or pressured. None of us ever thought this could go a different way."

"But why can't it?" I asked, needing more information.

She had some far off look in her eyes as she selected her words, as though some distant memory was being pulled from the depths of her mind in that moment. "The imprint makes Jacob so strongly knit to you that…why wouldn't you choose him, in the end? He'll be your perfect match. Like he was designed for you alone."

Those words, this situation, it was all too much.

Jacob's face showed complete, resigned agreement with what my mom had just said, as though they were his own thoughts and words. I thought he was going to leap out of his chair and grab me, but he didn't. I had no way of knowing if that was because of his own emotional defeat or if it was the way Jasper was staring at him so intently.

All I knew was that I needed to get away, and fast.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered, covering my mouth and running.

I blew through the broken door before anyone could catch me, but they didn't need to follow. I told my dad in a few silent words that I was going home. To be alone. To hide. To wallow in my own bed and try to forget what was really happening.

Realizing I was still in my dress from the dance, I tossed it to the floor, slipping into some comfortable sweats.

Alone on my bed, I cried. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I was crying for or about, but I knew that I was too overwhelmed, and that was probably the root of it.

Wasn't there enough magic in my life?

I had always been different, a one-of-a-kind. Of course, we knew of a few other half-vampires like me, but I was the only female anyone had ever found. I was also the only one whose mother had survived my birth, but that was on account of the preparation of my family.

Guilt plagued me for a very long time, though my dad is the only one who knew about that. I never spoke the words aloud, but he saw it in my mind. My conception had tortured my entire family, especially my dad, and it had nearly killed my mom. I didn't know – I was just a tiny baby in my mother's belly. As if that wasn't enough, everyone I loved, and so many other people who tried to help, had almost been destroyed by the Volturi because of _me_.

I was forced to mature quickly, and not just because of my rapid growth. There came a time when my dad just couldn't stand it any longer. My guilt and feelings of responsibility hurt him, so he explained a _lot_ to me. I already understood quite a bit about sex from all the reading I had done, so Daddy didn't have to go through the mechanics of it all to me. What he did explain was that he and my mom fell in love while she was a human. After they were married, they consummated their relationship, never knowing that it was possible for her to get pregnant.

What he told me next was exactly what I needed to alleviate my guilt. He said that, while my birth killed her human body, it allowed him to change her without loathe or hesitation, which he had been struggling with since the day they met. He actually thanked me for that. Then he explained how empty he had felt for so many years, as though he was less than a man because he lost his human life at such a young age and could never experience life the way mortals did. I filled a void for the entire family. None of them could have children or grandchildren, so I became the little one they always pined for and thought they could never have.

In a way, I saved my father from hating himself for what he was, for not being able to stay away from my mom, and gave him a gift he never would have imagined.

My life gave Daddy and Mom their fairytale.

All the negativity and self-hate I felt was washed away when that reality sank in to my mind.

I completed the family.

"There's just a bit more than that."

My dad's voice pulled me from my thoughts, and I found him and my mom standing at my bedroom door. I motioned them in, and they sat with me on the bed. They hugged me, wiping away my stray tears.

"How could there possibly be anything more?" I said hopelessly. I wasn't sure my mind could take anything else at this point.

"It's that completion of the circle idea you had," Dad said. "You did more than fill in the holes for the Cullens."

"For the ten-thousandth time tonight, I am confused," I sighed.

Mom squeezed my hand. "It's more about me than anything else, honey. If you want the whole truth, you're going to get it tonight. Keeping things from you has not been good on our part, but it's all very complicated and it just hasn't mattered since you were born."

"Confused."

"Okay, okay, I'll get on with it," she said, offering me a small smile. "Years ago, when I was human and Jacob hadn't yet phased, he was my best friend."

She went on to describe what she called a very dark time for her and my father. I learned that Uncle Jasper had accidentally tried to attack Mom and that Dad felt so awful that he left her for a while. It was awful to imagine them ever being apart, but I listened with rapt attention as she went over every important detail, from her dangerous activities to saving Dad from the Volturi. It was no wonder they hated ever being apart now.

"During that time, Jacob and I were very close, baby. He…fell in love with me."

"He loved you?" I asked incredulously. I thought about all the times I had seen Mom and Jake together in my life, and while they were good friends, he never looked at her with the eyes my Dad did. There was nothing more than platonic interaction between them.

"He _did_, but when he knew that I had chosen your father, that there was never any other choice for me, he accepted it," she said slowly. "When we returned from our honeymoon, knowing that I was pregnant with you, Jacob could not seem to stay away from me. It tortured him to see me hurting, just as much as it tore your father to pieces. I felt this innate need for him to be there with me, and when he was close, there was comfort. It wasn't romantic at all, it was without words or explanation. At the same time, he felt very drawn to me, not because he thought he could take me away from Edward, but because he _had_ to stay near me."

"Did he imprint on you too?" I asked, trying to grasp her explanation.

"No, not at all. Imprinting happens the first time a wolf sees his…mate…after he's changed. That never happened for us."

"Then why was he so drawn to you?"

"Because of you, sweetie," she said, reaching up and stroking my cheek. Her honey-gold eyes were full of love, giving me the answers I needed.

"Because of me?" I whispered to myself.

Dad gave me a light pat on the back. "Yes. Even in your mom's belly, his entire being was drawn to you. Even his soul, perhaps."

"Wow," I muttered stupidly. I couldn't find any other words. What was I supposed to do now? Just decide to fall in love with Jake to make him happy? I was mature and almost fully grown, yes, but I couldn't just force myself to feel something that wasn't there.

I cared for Jacob deeply, and I knew that there would be a deep hole, a void, in my life if he were not there. Even though I didn't crave his attention or presence as much as I used to, I still wanted him there. How selfish did that make me? If he truly loved me and wanted to do anything it would take to make me happy, would he stand idly by while I opened my heart to someone else?

"Yes, I believe he would," Dad said, answering my thoughts. "It would hurt him, but your happiness would become his happiness, and he would eventually accept that as his place in your life."

"He'll just do whatever I say?"

"Not exactly," Mom answered. "It would not be easy for him to see you with someone else. He would struggle. You have the free will to decide what you want, but you need to understand that we all assumed you would eventually be with him."

"Completing the circle," Dad said.

"So I wasn't just the child everyone always hoped for, or the conduit for you to change Mom without feeling like you were stealing her life. I was the solution to your…love triangle?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

"Do you think that's why he fell in love with you in the first place?" I asked Mom.

She bit her lip, looking back and forth between me and Dad. After a moment she nodded her head twice. "There's no way to know for sure, of course, but more mysterious things have happened in our lives.

"Carlisle met Esme when she was a young girl and remembered her years later, in a different city and state, when she was on her deathbed. Rosalie took one look at Emmett and wanted to save him, even though his blood was dripping down her arms as she carried him. Alice had a vision of Jasper the moment she awoke from her change. Your father did not find a mate for over one hundred years, but we both believe that I was born to be with him. So, yes, we do believe that it's possible that fate or some other power in the universe crafted this intricate web to place you in his life."

I wanted to vomit.

It wasn't as though she was telling me something bad, but it was heavy. I had gone to my first school dance and had come home as Atlas, shouldering the weight of the world. Or Jacob's world, at least.

"What happens if I don't love him like that?" I asked. "Is it possible that we're not supposed to be mates? And is that what he wants of me now?"

"Oh, sweetheart," my Dad said sympathetically, stroking my curly hair. "You're still young. We don't know what the future will hold, and if you don't fall in love with him, he will eventually learn to accept that."

Mom added her own thoughts. "His changing feelings are relatively new to him, baby. While he's assumed that you would be his mate, his mind has never thought of you romantically or inappropriately. Your father can confirm that." She took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. "His hope is what has changed. You're getting older, so he cannot help but at least consider what your future may hold together. He's always been able to have a little bit of control in your life, but now you are almost a grown woman and you're building a social life outside our family unit. It frightens him to not be so involved in your life, especially when you have been growing closer to one of his pack brothers."

"I don't want to say he feels betrayed," Dad began, "but it's especially difficult for him to see you offer your affection to Seth. You are the only one who can determine how you feel or what you want, so we promise not to tell you how to lead your life. We will, however, caution you to be sympathetic to both of them.

"Seth's feelings for you are genuine, but he struggles with them. In the eyes of the pack, you do actually belong to Jacob. Attempting to take you away from Jacob goes against tribal code, but if you are the one to choose Seth first, which it seems you have, then it is permissible for him to be involved with you."

"Geez, this is complicated," I groaned.

They both laughed lightly at me and nodded in understanding.

"You are still young, and you do not have to make any lifelong decisions right now. Only you will know who and what is right for you. Just remember that you now control both of them far more than you could ever see."

They could tell that I was exhausted from the day and all this turmoil, so after a number of yawns, I gave up the fight against sleep. My parents excused themselves, and once I had completed my nighttime rituals, I sank into my bed, swathed in heavy blankets that smelled of flowers and baby powder, and I fell asleep.

***********

I was glad that the next day was Sunday because I didn't want to see anyone. I hid in my bedroom all day long, listening to music and getting my homework finished.

Jacob called once, but I didn't answer. Mom spoke to him and told him that I needed time to process things. Dad told me that he went for a run with Seth to get him up to speed on everything I had been told. He said that Seth wanted to make sure I was all right, but was trying to be patient and understanding about what I was going through.

Grandma dropped off the pictures she had taken, along with printouts of the ones I took while we were at the dance. Apparently, she retrieved my camera from Dad while I was sleeping.

As I leafed through them, my heart stung. Most of them included Seth, and I was caught between how happy we both looked in those photos and how complicated things had become in such a short period of time. In actuality, they had been complicated all my life, I just didn't know it until last night.

I was truly concerned with how he was dealing with everything. His hesitation with me began to make sense as I remembered the way my parents explained it all to me. Seth wasn't just a guy falling for a girl, nor was he a guy falling for a girl his friend cared for immensely. He was a guy falling for a girl who was quite literally betrothed to someone else. And there I was, unknowingly baiting him to betray someone who was his brother, mentor, and Alpha.

Was I a terrible person for that, or could my actions be excused because I didn't know the truth?

For once, I truly wished that Alice was able to see how this would turn out, but I knew that wasn't possible. She had never been able to see the future when the pack was involved, and although she occasionally caught snippets of visions that included me, she could never fully see _my_ future.

If it were possible to have a fast forward button on life, this would have been a time I wanted one. Then again, I didn't want to miss out on my first high school experience. I knew that I would eventually go through the act of being a teenage girl again with my family in different cities and states, but this one was special because I wasn't acting. This one time would be mine, and it would forever be my first.

What about other first experiences? If I was destined or fated or made to be with Jacob, did I get to try dating other people first, or was I just supposed to ignore any other feelings I had and wait until I was ready to be with him?

It was so utterly confusing because I just did not feel that way about him. I loved him, but it was not in a romantic way. Then again, throughout my entire life, I had thought of him as _m__y_ Jacob. No one ever questioned or discouraged either of us from allowing him that position, so it just _was_.

As I considered the idea of Jacob someday being my future…mate…and husband…it felt strange, yet at the same time it wasn't as though it repulsed me. Jacob had always taken care of me. Part of me knew that he always would. He would be good to me and we could be happy, but there was no ache in my heart or any other part of my body for him that way.

However, Seth's face was plastered to the forefront of my mind.

I didn't like the weird behavior from Jacob that began when I started school. He wanted to know about my experiences and was always asking for details. I wasn't doing anything untoward at school, but it felt like an invasion of my privacy. I returned to my earlier sentiments of this being my first time through high school, and I didn't want everyone else to be so involved in it. They had all been with me every single day of my life. When it was just me and Seth at school, I was able to relax and see what it was like to live within a normal human world. The shadow of the supernatural fell away for a few hours each day, and it was refreshing for me.

I knew that Seth understood that, especially because he had been thrust into this life at such a young age. We had a couple classes together and then a couple others that were the same but during different class periods. It was natural for us to share friends, spend time with each other, and do our homework together. We had become close in the months since school started, and even though I knew him all my life, we finally had a relationship that was ours alone. That was how my feelings slowly transformed from him being a constant – a part of the family – to my true friend, and now I felt something more.

I didn't like that it was affecting Jacob so much, but I couldn't simply decide stop liking Seth anymore than I could force myself to fall in love with the man who had imprinted on me.

My only real option at this point was to allow the dust to settle and then see how everything played out. I would not be cutting anyone out of my life or making decisions at this time, but I wouldn't rule anything out either.

Sunday was a long, slow day for me, but when Monday morning arrived and I had to get ready for school, I found myself wishing for a little more solitude.

The photos from the dance had been viewed more times than I could count, and I finally settled on placing them in an album Alice had brought me Sunday evening. It made me miss Seth and think about our spectacular first kiss over and over again, but I was still very nervous to see him at school. I didn't know if he would be upset with me or back off completely for Jacob's sake. My hopes were set against that. I wasn't sure what I wanted from him, but I at least needed time with him to see.

Daddy drove me to school that day, and we didn't stop to pick up Seth. I assumed that had been planned with whoever was dropping him off that day. I couldn't keep my mind from drifting to him as we passed trees and scattered houses on the way to the school, wondering what my day would hold.

"Just try to relax and focus on school today," he said, rubbing my knee for a moment before returning it to the steering wheel. "Follow your heart and use your head."

"What if I don't choose Jacob?" I asked suddenly. I knew he didn't see the question in my mind because it had just come to me. "Will everyone hate me for it?"

"Of course not. We will love you no matter. Even Jacob would continue to love you if your life takes a different path than we presumed."

"That's awful."

"No, darling, it's not. If your mother had picked Jacob, or anyone else, over me, I would have let her go. It would have hurt me immensely, but I would have supported her decision because she was happy. That is what I always wanted the most for her. That's the root of love, being able to sacrifice your own desires for someone else."

"And that's why you left Mom back then?"

He was quiet for a moment before he confirmed my question. "In a way, it was for the better. Once we were back together, we knew that we couldn't survive apart." He paused, taking a deep breath. I knew something serious was coming. "I'm not saying that you should or need to be with Seth or anyone else in order to figure out what role you want Jacob to play in your future, but it's not an unreasonable thing for you to consider. As I said, you have choices, and only you can make the decisions that are right for Carlie Cullen."

A couple minutes later, we were at the school, and Daddy gave me a comforting hug and kiss on the forehead before I got out of the car. He wished me well, and I walked slowly toward the entrance. I kept my head down and went directly to my locker to retrieve my books and stow my jacket.

For the first time since Saturday night, a genuine smile spread across my face. Standing in front of my locker, obviously waiting for me, was Seth. When he saw my smile, his entire face lit up and his dark eyes sparkled.


	3. Flora and Fauna

**Chapter 3 - Flora and Fauna**

"Hey," I said softly.

Seth stared down at me for a moment before sliding to the side so that I could get into my locker. "How are you doing?" he asked. He was standing close enough that I could feel the heat of his body radiating off him, and I wanted to feel that warmth against my skin.

"I'm okay," I said with a nod. "Still processing."

"I figured."

I wasn't sure what to do or say next, so I continued organizing my bag and locker. Once I was finished, I closed the door and leaned against it. Our eyes met, and the intensity was enough to make me shiver.

I blew a piece of hair out of my eye. "Have you guys talked?"

"Nah, he's still pretty upset. I want to give him more time to cool off, you know?"

"Sure. How's Rosalie?"

"Keeping most of her thoughts to herself, but she gets snarky at times."

"That's Rosalie," I chuckled. "I'd invite you to come stay with us, but…"

"I don't think your parents would go for that," he said, half smiling.

"Probably not."

The warning bell rang throughout the hall, and all around us, students started to disperse. I looked at him for some sort of prompt, and he tipped his head to the left.

"Come on, Carlie. I'll walk you to class before I head to gym."

The rest of the school day went relatively well. Being away from my family as a whole was nice, as was the distraction that school provided. My mind would wander more often than I liked, but it was better than Sunday had been.

The two classes I shared with Seth, Algebra and French, went as well as I could expect. They were both busy periods, so there wasn't much time to talk, and we only sat next to each other in French. We had different lunch periods on Monday and Friday, so the morning had been our only real interactions. At the end of the day, he met me at my locker.

"I got a text from Alice earlier. She asked if it would be okay for her to pick up both of us," I informed him. "I said yes. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it is," he assured me. "I…don't want you to avoid me."

"I don't want to avoid you," I breathed, shaking my head.

In just a few seconds and a simple exchange, our conversation had become weighed down with implication. Part of me wanted to reach out and pull him to me so we could kiss like we had in the woods two nights ago, but the more cautious side of me thought better of that idea. At least here at school.

"Do you want to do homework together?"

"Yeah, that would be great," I said.

As we walked toward the exit, I looked down between us and I could have sworn that he almost reached for my hand. I wanted him to do it so badly, but for whatever reason, he didn't. When I couldn't take the agony any longer, I reached out and grasped his hand. He looked down at me, nervous and excited, but his expression quickly turned to one of happiness as he wove his fingers between mine.

It was such a small, simple gesture, but it was one of the greatest feelings I had ever experienced. I liked his arms around me and I loved him kissing me, but this was deeper, more meaningful. I thought of _Romeo & Juliet_, where the two young lovers first kiss, but not before discussing the intimacy of their touch, Romeo saying that he is unworthy of her hands which are shrines. The thought of it made a tingle creep up my spine.

We kept them clasped together that way until we reached the car, where Seth opened the front door for me before sliding into the backseat. I immediately missed the contact, but I resigned myself with the knowledge that we would be back at my house soon to do our homework and maybe talk a little more.

Alice didn't acknowledge our handholding, only making polite conversation and asking about our day as she drove. I had a strong hunch she would ask me about it some other time, but I would deal with that when the time came. For now, I was happy to forget all the stress and pressure I had been feeling for almost two days and enjoy the butterflies that Seth had set free in my stomach.

Sitting at the kitchen table, we did our homework from all the classes we shared first, chatting and collaborating as we went. When all of those assignments were complete, we moved on to our separate courses, working silently side by side. It didn't escape my notice when he scooted his chair closer to me or when his arm brushed against mine. It didn't escape my mom's notice either when she arrived home from her college class.

"It seems you two are doing well, I take it?"

"Uhh, yeah," Seth replied, nodding at her.

Daddy walked in behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "School went well today?" he asked us.

I flashed him a few pictures of my day and he smiled in approval.

"Do you think it would be all right if Seth and I went for a walk after dinner?" I asked my parents.

They exchanged a look before Daddy nodded and Mom smiled. "Sure, honey. Just stay on the property, please."

Seth smiled at me, taking my hand under the table for a few moments before we both needed to break apart to finish our work.

It took another half hour and then I quit. I still had some reading to do for English, but it could be done tonight before I went to bed. We made some sandwiches and ate together, then we put on our coats and walked outside.

We were silent for the first few minutes, walking beside each other and watching the cold air create clouds in front of our mouths. When we were out of sight of all the houses, Seth took my hand, warming it in his. I smiled automatically, happy to have him touching me in this small way. I liked the way his thumb drew little circles against my skin and how he wiggled and squeezed our fingers every few minutes.

Finally, when we were walking down a path in the woods, he stopped and turned in front of me. His hand came to my shoulder, then trailed up my neck until his fingers wove through my hair. I thought he was going to kiss me, as the look in his eyes was deep and heart-melting, but he didn't. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me, eclipsing me in a hug beneath his strong, solid body.

"Is this okay?" he asked quietly, tilting toward my ear.

"Yes," I said, hugging his waist a little tighter.

He held onto me, unspeaking, for a good three or four minutes. I didn't mind the silence; I was enjoying the comfort I found in his arms.

When he finally pulled away, he was gazing at me again with that same intimidating look he had earlier. "I've wanted to do that all day," he said, resting his forehead against mine.

I dragged my hands over his back, just to feel him. Even though his coat created a thick barrier between our skin, it was enough for now.

"Thank you," I whispered, pushing my fingers into his short hair and feeling it tickle the sensitive skin. "Have I ever told you that you smell like Christmas trees?"

"Christmas trees?" he laughed, massaging the back of my scalp. "No, you've never said that."

"It's true. Everyone in my family says you guys smell like dogs, but not to me. Jake smells like oak, your sister smells like a fern, Embry is a bit more earthy…bark more than the leaves. And you are a Christmas tree."

"I think I like that," he said, allowing one of his hands to fall to my hip. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Sure," I replied, looking around for an appropriate place.

We found a fallen tree off the trail about a hundred yards away and moved toward it. It was old and thick, and the wear of years had made the stump almost like a small love seat. We nuzzled into the space, trying to find the most comfortable position. After a few moments of wiggling, he turned my body so that, instead of sitting next to each other, my thighs laid over his sideways. He wrapped an arm around me, and we clasped our other hands in my lap. It felt like this should be too intimate too soon, but it wasn't. I was at peace with Seth, and it seemed as though he shared those feelings.

"I don't think your family smells as bad as all the other wolves say," he said once we were settled. "It's unpleasant, but the human blood drinkers are the worst. You're different though, you know?"

"Really? How?"

He looked at me for a moment, and I was wondering what he was thinking that he couldn't say without hesitation. He indulged me after a minute.

"Your scent is still sweet, but not the saccharine strength that the regular vampires have. You're not any single scent. You're more like a whole garden full of flowers, so as you move, it's like walking down a path past different kinds," he explained.

My mind was spinning. It was such a beautiful description and so incredibly flattering. My family smelled good to me, and so did the wolves, but everyone's scent was something distinct and unique. To imagine smelling of an entire garden was…romantic.

"It's true. You look like you think I'm crazy, but it really is how you smell. Hasn't anyone ever told you?"

"No," I whispered, feeling very close to happy tears.

"Sometimes, when you flip your hair, it's like a lilac bush," he continued. "And when you do things with your hands or gesture, it's yellow roses…or sometimes pink. Do I sound goofy for knowing what all those flowers smell like?"

"Not at all," I said, smiling widely at him. "Anything else?"

"Yeah….When you walk, it's sunflowers, but my favorite is when you dance."

I felt my face flush immediately, remembering the Snow Ball and all the dancing, fast and slow, that we had done there.

"Tell me," I whispered, leaning into him until my forehead rested against his temple.

His fingers wove through mine between us as he spoke. "That was like your parents' wedding. I'm not even sure what all those flowers were, but it was white wherever you looked. There were all different kinds of exotic and sweet smelling bouquets everywhere. I wish I knew what they all were. It's that same exact scent; I'll never forget it."

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted our lips to lock together and share the same way we had after the dance. I rubbed my free hand over our clasped ones and sent him that picture. That was the only encouragement he needed, and in a split second, he turned his face to mine and captured me.

There was so much heat between us, and this time, things didn't start slow and careful. They were strong, forceful…needful. I whimpered when he drew back slightly.

"I lied," he panted, kissing me again.

I pulled away that time. "About what?" I asked with concern, but we still resumed kissing.

"_This_ is my favorite," he said, and my heart nearly skipped a beat. "You don't just smell amazing when we kiss. You taste like the most delicious, rich dessert I've ever eaten, combined with succulent, juicy steak and rich, warm wine. It's like ambrosia. I can't get enough."

Suddenly, his kiss was frantic and his hands were on my face. My heart was beating out of my chest from the intensity of his words, and I wanted to give him more of myself in any sense I could.

I had never felt anything like that before, and it rocked my sense of confidence.

"Seth…" I managed to squeak or groan or something equally embarrassing and desperate.

"Yeah?" he muttered against my throat. "You okay?"

"Uh huh," I moaned, squirming to find some kind of respite and think clearly. "But…"

My words were gone, and I had no idea how to tell him that it was too much. I _wanted_ to keep going on and on like this, but I knew it wouldn't be good if we did. This was only the second time in my life that a man had kissed me, and I didn't want to get carried away. Even though my body was telling me that stopping was a very bad thing because I would be depriving myself of the amazing way he made me feel, logic overruled my physical reactions.

I knew that he didn't mean to push me or move so fast, but one of us needed to hit the brakes. I honestly had no idea what his expectations were with me. Even though he was my age in so many ways, the length of his life was much longer. For all I knew, he could have more experience with these things. Or he could have none at all. I didn't necessarily want to know any details, but there needed to be some sort of understanding between us. This was new to me and in so many ways…frightening.

Since vocalizations failed me, I was forced to use my gift. Concentrating all my effort that I could manage on it, I told him to stop. I could feel the moment my plea reached him because he froze, holding my face tightly in his hands and gasping for breath as though he had just been running for miles.

"I'm sorry," he said vehemently. "Oh my gosh, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to get carried away like that."

"Shh…it's okay," I reassured him. "I'm not upset with you. It was just a bit much, but I get it. Believe me, I understand what you're feeling and I feel it, too."

He shifted, putting a little bit of space between us as our embrace broke apart. We were still touching, close together on the worn tree stump, but a tangible gap was between us figuratively.

"You're not mad?"

"No, Seth. I couldn't be mad at you. That was just as much my fault. I don't want to get ahead of ourselves before we even understand what's going on here." I waved my hand between us, gesturing that I was speaking of our relationship or lack thereof.

When he apologized again, I shot it down.

"What you said was the sweetest, most amazing, flattering thing anyone has ever told me. Is that really what it's like?"

"God, yes," he groaned. "Every time you move, a subtle scent wafts toward me, and when I'm close to you, it's so much stronger and intoxicating. And I wasn't exaggerating about kissing you, Carlie. You literally have a flavor, and it is delicious."

I giggled at his choice of words. The thought that I was physically appetizing was incredibly humorous to me, especially as the child of vampires. Then something popped into my mind. "Hey, speaking of intoxicating, how do you know what wine tastes like?" I teased.

"I'm a little older than you, even if we are playing ninth graders right now. I think I'm allowed to know that kind of thing."

"Maybe, but you're still only twenty years old. That's not legal."

"All right," he laughed, poking me in the ribs playfully. "I'll be honest. Wine is the only thing I've ever drank. There wasn't time to do the parties on the rez with my pack responsibilities, but my mom would let me have wine every once in a while. She and my dad used to always get this one kind of really nice red wine whenever they made steaks, which wasn't often considering the famous 'Harry Clearwater's fish fry,' so it was sort of a special occasion thing. After he died, Mom would still get that wine whenever she bought steaks, and she started letting me have a glass with dinner. She said it enhanced the meal."

"Did it?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Yeah, but it took me a couple tries to get used to it. Now I like it."

Our conversation turned to his parents, and he told me stories about his dad. I knew that Harry had been one of my Grandpa Charlie's best friends, so his name came up from time to time. It was nice to hear about him from Seth's perspective and put together the pieces of the dearly departed Mr. Clearwater. I asked him if it was weird that my Grandpa was engaged to his mom and he said that it was hard at first, but that it didn't bother him anymore. It wasn't anything against Charlie, it was just Seth missing his dad. I felt awful that he lost him at an early age.

I really wanted to talk to Seth about what was going on between us and how it affected both our relationships with Jacob, but the opportunity never arose. Seth's thoughts were now reminiscent and preoccupied, and I knew that it was getting late. If we didn't return home soon, someone would come looking for us, and I was not interested in another awkward interruption like we'd had with Uncle Emmett the other night.

We walked a little faster on the way back, but we still held hands until we reached the edge of the woods. It wasn't that we were hiding anything, but it would be easier to play it safe for now than risk Jacob seeing us before we had a handle on what this thing between us really was.

He walked me to my house since his book bag was still there, then gave me a hug before heading over to my family's home for the night.

***********

School hit us hard for the rest of the week, and there was very little time to figure things out any more. We made a habit of holding hands at school between classes and doing our homework together every day. It was nice to have that time to spend together, but it wasn't as if it was any sort of quality or private time.

On Thursday, Seth gave in and went back to his house with Jacob. Staying with my aunts and uncles was a strain for everyone, and Seth hated putting anyone out when he had his own home a few hundred yards away. When I asked if he was comfortable being back there, he assured me that he could handle it. I didn't pry any more, even though I really wanted to know what else he was feeling and how Jacob was coping with things.

My parents encouraged me to at least speak to Jacob on the phone, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Mom pointed out that this was the longest he had ever gone without seeing or speaking to me, which made me feel terrible enough that I sent him a text apologizing for not being ready to face him yet. His response seemed understanding, but I could swear that I still felt the remorse and heartache in those few words on my phone screen.

By Saturday afternoon, I needed a break. Most of the family had taken off for a hunting trip outside the area. Grandma and Grandpa stayed home, so I was warned that they would be keeping tabs on me if I thought about "trying anything." I rolled my eyes at their suggestion that I would do something they would disapprove of while they were gone. There was an important photography assignment I needed to work on over the weekend, and I was really looking forward to the time alone to process all the strange and sudden changes in my life recently.

Seth was supposed to be at an indoor soccer tournament for most of the day, so I decided to head out to the woods with my camera while it was still light outside. I had also been feeling the need to hunt, considering all my recent stress, so I decided that I would do that while I was out as well.

As I got older, my dietary needs changed. While I preferred blood as a young child, human food grew on me over the years. Grandpa Carlisle and Daddy decided that it was probably something similar to the first few years of a vampire's life and their constant bloodlust. While I could eat both, my body eventually balanced itself out so that I needed equal amounts of each in order to stay in peak form. Since starting school, I mostly ate human food during the week and got my fill of blood on the weekends.

As I learned to respond to my body's needs, I found that when my emotions were especially strong or I was stressed, my cravings for blood grew. Jasper confirmed that he could sense that in me, and he always tried to get me out of difficult situations to hunt when necessary. The blood had a way of calming my nerves and putting me at ease.

The best part of my split diet was that I didn't need the large quantities of blood that the rest of my family required. It was usually unnecessary for me to attend the extended hunting trips with them because I could survive on animals that lived in the forest near our home – deer, elk, fox, badgers, raccoons, and occasionally, bobcat, since they were smaller than the cats my parents preferred.

After sending Seth a text to let him know where I would be if he returned home before I was back, I set out into the woods with my camera strapped around my neck. I brought the carrying case along for when I decided to hunt. I was comfortable in a sweatshirt, jeans, and sneakers. My body was very much like the wolves in the way that I resisted the cold quite well. As long as I was receiving proper nutrition on both sides of my diet, the jacket I wore in winter was mostly for show.

Several hours passed as I snapped photos of woodland creatures, icicles hanging dangerously from thin branches, a partially frozen creek, and any other beautiful thing that I felt deserved to be preserved in time with my camera. I was excited to see how my lot would turn out, and the project had been a wonderful way to keep my mind occupied and away from all the wear of the past week.

When I heard a few deer walking around in the distance, my stomach gurgled with need. I quickly tucked my camera away, securing the closures of the case. It was hung safely on a branch, ensuring that it would not soak up the wetness of the ground or be toyed with by some curious animal.

I took off running in the direction of the deer, attuning my ears to the subtle movements and undertones of the forest life. My feet were swift and nearly as silent as a full vampire. While they could run with only the sweeping sensation of the wind as proof of their passing, my footfalls were more comparable to a cheetah. My strides were long and light, carrying me between the trees with only the slightest of noise or commotion.

The larger, older deer sensed my presence first and dashed away, but there was a younger female who was less experienced in escape and hesitated for a moment too long. I didn't feel bad because she was a full grown animal, she just didn't know better. I could never kill babies. I always felt that they deserved the opportunity to enjoy their life for a while before suffering death at the hands of a predator like me. My family shared similar feelings, not only for ethical reasons, but also because young animals provided less blood. That was also why they seldom bothered with the smaller creatures I enjoyed.

I jumped on the medium-sized doe's back, eliciting a bleating shriek from her mouth. It was quickly cut short when I twisted her neck to the side, subsequently ending her life before she even hit the ground. Once I made my kill, I was upon her.

My teeth were not quite as sharp as my family's, but they sliced through the flesh of my meals quickly and effectively every time. I've been told that I bit my mother once in those few moments we shared before Daddy had to inject her with his venom. We later learned that all the other half-vampires we met had eaten their mothers after clawing their way out of the womb and killing the women in the process. The thought made me shudder. I loved my Mom and could not imagine killing her, let alone feeding off her human body.

The only other person I can remember biting is Jacob. He always thought it was cute and funny, which I imagine had something to do with the fact that his skin healed almost instantly. Biting my vampire family had no effect on them, since their skin was nearly impossible to pierce. Carlisle said it was just a teething stage for me, since I was born will all my baby teeth already in place.

I brought my focus to my meal as her body was depleted of its life source. She was satisfying, and her blood was slightly sweeter than a male's would have been. When I was finished, I stroked her head and made sure her eyes were closed, thanking her for the sacrifice she made to me. It was a habit I had assumed once I started eating human food regularly. The animals I took were innocent, and although they were wild creatures, they still deserved my respect for keeping me strong and healthy.

Rising from my crouch, I stretched my hands to the sky. Night was falling quickly, but it was no matter with my vision. Another small animal or two would fill me enough to last until next weekend, so I decided to stay a little longer in the woods.

Sniffing the air, I followed the scents that were being carried by the cold winter wind. There were a few raccoons, but they did not sound appetizing to me tonight. A fox scuttled out of its hole somewhere, but it reminded me of last weekend too much, so I passed that one by as well. When the wind changed, I caught a very surprising scent.

_Mink_.

I had only ever smelled it once before, but it was amazing. I had been out running with Jacob when we passed a mink farm in the distance. The scent was so concentrated that it was like bathing it. I wanted to go down to the farm and sneak in to steal a few, but Jake would not allow it. I never forgot that scent, though.

Before my mind could make the decision, my legs were carrying me in the direction of the small creatures. There were a number of them, and they were near a pond. The closer I got, the more my mouth watered.

Instinct took over when I found the nest. I pulled one from the bank of the pond first, snapping its neck and setting it aside while I went after some of its scurrying friends. I had to act fast before they could get away, and still, I found myself digging up their den and pulling four more out of the hole. Unfortunately for them, I was faster and stronger, the true predator in this situation.

With my pile of treats, I sat at the edge of the pond cross-legged and happy. Though the urge to suck them down greedily was present, I forced myself to take my time. They were quite small and didn't have a lot of blood. There was no way I could go back into the nest for more than these five without damaging their reproduction rate. Mustering my willpower, I picked them up one at a time, drinking slowly, as if through a straw. Each drop of blood rolled over my tongue and down my throat like liquid gold. All too soon, my dessert was polished off, and I was still.

I stared out at the surface of the pond, partially frozen and rippling occasionally as the wind would breeze over the water. The moon was slight this evening, so there was very little light reflecting off the small pool of nature.

I was so relaxed that I didn't register the paws behind me until they were close. Assuming it was Seth come to find me after he arrived home from soccer, I turned my head with a smile. The wolf that stared back at me was not tan and narrow, he was tall, bulky, and distinctly russet.

"Jacob," I said uneasily, watching my word break the silence of night with a puff of foggy air.

The proud wolf stood stalk still, staring me down with his dark, emotional eyes.

He didn't respond to me. He didn't even snort or twitch to acknowledge my presence. He just stood there watching me.

Eventually growing tired of our staring contest, I brushed the dead mink off my lap and pulled my knees to my chest. My eyes returned to the pond, watching the nothingness.

New footsteps approached a few minutes later, and I felt Jacob drop to the ground beside me before I saw him. He wore long sweatpants and ratty sneakers, but nothing else. This was not unusual.

"I miss you," he said quietly.

"I miss you, too." I didn't say it to appease him. It was the truth. His absence had finally taken a toll on me after the constant companionship my entire life, so I was pleased – for the moment – to have him beside me.

Even without looking him, I could tell that he was tense and uneasy. My words were creating some internal war. It wasn't hard to guess that he was trying to determine exactly what I meant.

Needing to give him something and also ease my own heart, I bumped my shoulder against his. He bumped me back experimentally, then another time playfully. After a few more rounds of that game, I didn't stop when I bumped him. I leaned against him and he did not hesitate to wrap his arm around me. The familiarity was comforting, even if we still weren't on the best terms.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, probably because I had opened a door with our physical contact. I hoped that it eased some of his pain. "You're pretty far out."

"Hunting," I said simply, kicking one of the discarded mink into the water.

He laughed openly when he looked down at my snacks. "You finally got your treat, huh?"

I smiled, tipping my head toward his but hesitating before he could see my face. I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Well, I hope they were good. Now that you've had a taste, they'll probably go extinct in the wild."

"Hey!" I defended, understanding that he was teasing. "I didn't clear out their nest, and I only took a few."

We were quiet again for a while, sitting still until I asked how he found me here.

He shrugged, still holding onto me. "I saw your camera and followed your scent until I got here. I was a little worried when I realized how far you'd come, but it makes sense now."

I knew that we couldn't stay out here like this all night, so I had to make a decision. The cold would eventually get to me, and though Jake's body could take the cold, his skin wasn't immune to windburn or frostbite. Even if he could heal quickly, those were not pleasant ailments.

Mustering the nerve, I turned myself slightly to look at him. "Should we, you know, talk?"

"Yeah," he breathed, nodding and closing his eyes. "Not tonight, though. I can tell you're tired, and I'm not doing so hot either. Can we make a date for tomorrow?"

I immediately shrunk away from him when he said the word date. I knew he didn't mean it as a _date_ date, but my reaction was involuntarily.

"Sorry," he muttered, releasing me from his hold. "Sometime in the afternoon?"

"Sure," I agreed. "Can you come over for lunch? I have some homework to finish, so that should give me enough time."

"Yeah, that works for me."

We agreed, and Jake suggested that we head back home together. I said I needed a little more time alone before going to bed, but he stood his ground about remaining with me until we were at least on Cullen property. It was for his peace of mind, which I now understood so much better than I ever had before, so I agreed.

When we parted, I went to retrieve my camera, then I slowed to a walk for the final leg of the short journey. That was how I found myself back at the loveseat trunk, staring at it as though it were a dream. I sat down in the seat made by nature, remembering the time Seth and I shared here and pondering what I would say to Jacob tomorrow. I closed my eyes, thinking, until I started to doze off, at which point I realized it was definitely time to get myself to bed. As I opened my eyes again, I noticed a break in the trees. There was a decent sized hole in the tree cover where I could see a lovely view of the stars above. I briefly wondered why I hadn't seen the stargazing patch on Monday night, but I quickly realized that I had been very preoccupied at the time. I saw very little other than Seth that night.

Sighing, I crossed my camera bag over my chest and began my walk toward home.

After a hot shower, I dressed in warm pajamas and laid my head on my pillow. Sleep consumed me quickly.

That night, I dreamed that Seth came into my room, petting my hair off my face and kissing me lightly before leaving. He said something to me, but the words were garbled in my dream.

When I awoke, I rolled over and noticed a single white rose on my nightstand. Beneath it was a folded piece of blue paper. Sitting up quickly, I grabbed the flower and inhaled its luscious scent deeply. The smile it brought to my face felt good. I snatched the paper next, unfolding it to read the note scribbled inside.

_CC-_

_Sorry I missed you today. Your grandparents let me come to the house for a few minutes, but you were already asleep. I couldn't bear to wake you. I'll be free Sunday, so maybe we can have a little time? Sleep well, angel._

_SC_

My smile grew wider, and I sniffed the flower repeatedly, wondering if it were possible to suck the fragrance from a flower by smelling it too much.

Sadly, my heart fell when I realized that there probably wouldn't be time for Seth today. I had already made another promise for my time.

Jacob and I were going to have our talk.


	4. Music Box Superhero

**Chapter 4 - Music Box Superhero**

Jacob arrived well before lunchtime, and while I should have been upset with him, I couldn't be. He was obviously anxious to speak to me and possibly clear things up, so I welcomed him into the house and told him to help himself to whatever he wanted. I was still quite full from yesterday's hunt, so I didn't care for any food at the time. When I told him I wasn't eating, he said that he didn't want anything, which I knew wasn't true. All the wolves could eat, humorously enough, like wild animals.

I thought back to all the time I spent with the pack growing up in Forks. There were certain people I saw more than others due to the split packs – Jake, Seth, Leah, Quil, and Embry – but Jacob took me to La Push often enough that I knew the others well. Despite being a Cullen, everyone always made me feel welcomed. Now I had a new understanding about their kindness.

_I wonder how much they'd like me now._

There were so many questions in my mind, accompanied by far too many implications. My entire life had been spent trapped on this tightrope between my conflicting "ages." To me, the pace of my life was the only thing I had ever known, so I thought it was normal. However, as I grew and observed the world around me, I began to realize how different I truly was from every single person I knew.

I remembered, almost shamefully, how Jacob never drew attention to the things that made me different or unique. Even my family couldn't say that. The way my parents fawned over me, though out of love, never allowed me to forget that I was special, but with Jacob, I could just be myself. When we played, hunted, talked, or did anything else together, he was my friend and confidant.

I was still trying to pinpoint some exact moment or turn of events that had made me shy away from him.

The fact was, I had been over it in my head a thousand times or more. There wasn't a defining moment. Our distance expanded over time, just as our relationship had grown closer over the years prior to this complicated one.

The more I analyzed and made myself remember the ways that Jacob behaved and treated me in my life, the more I saw the effects of the imprint. He _was_ everything and anything I could need – guardian, confidant, jester, teacher – that much was undeniable. I wanted to run to my room and flip through the photo albums Rosalie and Alice had so carefully crafted for me. I wanted to see proof in those photographs, something to show me, to prove to me that this was all real.

Then I realized something. I didn't need photographs. The answers were right there with me in my family's living room.

I paused from cleaning up my textbooks and folders and turned my attention to Jacob. Without speaking, I stared at him, and he stared back at me.

_There._

It was right there.

The adoration.

The devotion.

The love.

The need to decipher whatever was bothering me and make it better.

The undeniable truth that I was his sun, his moon, and his North Star.

It had always been there, in his eyes and in his heart, but today was the first time in my entire life that I recognized it for what it truly was…what it meant.

I stumbled backward, tripping over myself and falling toward the floor, yet I never made it there. Jacob moved so quickly that I was cradled in his arms, far from the hardwood beneath our feet.

"Whoa there, are you okay?" he asked, slowly loosening his grip to right me and make sure I had my balance back.

All I could do was blink and nod my head at the reality literally staring me in the face.

"I need a minute," I said suddenly, dashing to the bathroom and locking myself inside.

After a few minutes alone, I managed to calm myself enough to reemerge and join Jacob once more.

"Sorry about that," I muttered.

"Don't apologize," he replied quickly. "There's nothing for you to be sorry about. Everything that has happened is my fault."

"Not everything."

"It may as well be. I can't imagine things would have gone this way if I had been honest with you from the beginning."

The path we were heading down wasn't looking good, so I decided to be proactive and redirect the conversation. "Enough of that. Let's just…say what we need to say."

"Do you hate me?" he blurted.

I stared at him in disbelief and was shocked to find that his question and expression were completely sincere. How could he believe that I would hate him?

"No, Jake. Don't be silly."

"So this is silly to you?"

"_No,_" I snapped, calming immediately after the word was said. "This situation is not silly, but you thinking that I could ever hate you is. Are we clear?"

He nodded, rubbing his hands together nervously.

"Let's sit," I suggested. We did, and I waited for him to say something. When he didn't, I spoke again. "How do you want to do this?"

"I don't know, really. Do you want to tell me about school and stuff lately?"

"Not especially. I don't think small talk is going to help anything. We need to address this, don't you think?"

"Yeah…yeah, you're right."

With that agreement, the conversation that had been looming finally began.

"Tell me what you're feeling," he requested. It was so much bigger than he could understand, but I would try.

With a deep breath, I said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm overwhelmed."

He pursed his lips, but didn't interrupt.

"My whole life, I've lived in a world that is different from everyone but this small community we have here. There have been secrets interspersed throughout this way of life, yet beyond all that, an even bigger, crazier, more serious secret was being kept from me. After all that time in the dark, being thrust into something so severe and heavy…it's rocked my foundation. It makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore, or really who _anyone_ is for that matter, especially you."

I waited…and waited…and waited for a response. Jake was strangely stoic, and I could not get a read on what he was thinking about what I had just told him. Very minutely, he began to shake his head, humming softly as a strange partial smile crept onto his face. It wasn't a look of happiness, and I had no idea how to translate that reaction.

"Jake?"

He hummed in acknowledgement but did not speak.

"What's going on?" I asked carefully.

"You just described my life."

I shifted uncomfortably, trying to understand what he could possibly mean.

He looked over my head, staring off into the distance. "The small community, that was growing up on the rez. The secrets, in the form of mystic campfire stories and legends of the tribe that turned out to be the frightening truth. None of us knew that the tales of descending from wolves and being enemies of the cold ones were true until our change first occurred. No one told us until we were sick in bed, feeling like our bodies were breaking apart from the inside and our minds expanded and contracted to adapt."

I had never imagined that it had been that way for him. The wolves were a fact of my life. I knew that they were the guardians of the tribe, that it was only a few particular families that carried the gene, and that a very long time ago they had fought their first vampires, but the secretive aspect of it all made me empathize with Jacob in a new and heartbreaking way.

"The worst part was that my dad knew it could happen to me, and he never told me. Sam, Jared, Paul, and Embry all went through it before I did, so he knew it was coming. I can remember thinking at the time that everyone was looking at me funny. I didn't understand why the guys were acting so strange and reclusive, so when they stared at me as if they were waiting for me to join them, it made me so angry. I later learned the reason, of course. They really were waiting, and I never knew it."

"Oh Jake, that's awful," I said, feeling a sudden urge to wrap my arms around him and offer some comfort. Instead, I inched closer across the couch. I was holding back because of this wall that had gone up between us recently, and I hated it. It shouldn't have been that way; the awkwardness should never have existed. Quickly closing the gap between us, I threw myself against him and hugged with all my might.

"Thank you," he said quietly when our embrace broke.

I moved back to my end of the couch and held a pillow to my chest.

"I can't imagine how you felt back then."

"Well, I'm sure your mother could fill you in on some of the details. She was around before I first phased, so she knew how the strange behavior in the tribe affected me. The worst betrayal I felt was from Billy, though. After my sisters left, he and I were all the other had. He knew it was practically inevitable, especially when I started growing so fast, and he still didn't give me a clue. He also didn't tell me that he was more or less the Chief and that I would carry that role when the tribal elders passed away."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Jake."

I truly meant it. Stories had been told over the years, but I didn't know those kinds of details. It must have been so difficult for everyone in the beginning.

"Nessie…I mean, Carlie, sorry…I didn't tell you all that to gain your sympathy."

"Why then?" I asked, involuntarily leaning toward him again.

"Don't you see the similarities? You've grown up in this world full of secrets, but the one that could change you life the most – the one you deserved and were entitled to know more than anything else – was kept from you. You thought one thing, while behind your back, everyone else saw your future from a completely different perspective."

Frozen in my place, I pondered his words, unable to reply.

"I should have done something different or found some way to tell you. All that I ever wanted was to protect you and give you a normal life. I didn't want you to feel like I was in your life because I was waiting for something. It hasn't been that way for me. Everyone second I have spent with you from the moment I first held you has been exactly where I wanted to be."

"What do you feel now?" I asked because I _had_ to know.

He looked at me and shook his head as though telling me that he didn't want to say, but I needed this. I knew that he would give it to me if I pressed, both because of the way he had always been with me and now with the new knowledge of his actual, concrete devotion to me and my desires. Even though my conscience told me it was wrong, I tested those boundaries and asked him insistently to tell me. He buckled without further hesitation.

"It's nothing that words can fully describe to you. The same palpable attachment is there that always has been. You're the center of my universe, even more important to me than the tribe. That's the hardest part to explain because you're also sort of equal to the tribe for me. Beyond protecting the Quiluetes physically, I have an innate need to…ensure the future in other ways."

"Other ways…like descendants?" I asked, gulping audibly.

"Yeah…" He dragged the word out through clamped teeth, scratching his head uneasily.

"Okay," I said, taking another deep breath as I allowed more details to sink into my mind. "What else?"

"You really want to know this?"

"Yes." That word completely contradicted the way I said it, but that didn't matter. He would tell me.

"My first desire is to want what you want. When you're hungry, I want you to be fed and full. When you're excited, I want to continue that joy. When you're upset, I want to right whatever wrong has made it that way. Carlie, that is the reason this week has been such hell for me. The reason you're upset is me and my lies, and I don't know how to fix it."

"I haven't asked you to fix it," I countered.

"You don't have to. I feel it anyway."

We gazed at each other for several minutes, and with each one that passed, my body relaxed. This was _Jacob_. He had been so good to me for so long. He didn't deserve to see me unsettled in his presence.

"Do you love me?" I asked, my tone even. I had fought myself to make it that way.

His eyes closed in a long blink, and when they opened, there was something new in them. "Yes, I've always loved you and I always will, but I don't think that's what you mean. I believe you want to know if I'm _in love_ with you. Am I right?"

I nodded, unspeaking.

"I will be," he whispered. "I'm on the cusp of it. I can feel it in every cell of my body. My instincts know that it's too soon and that you're too young to be my mate right now, but there is no doubt in my mind that it's going to happen."

He was holding something else back, but those words were enough. My mind was racing already, and I didn't want to know more. Not yet. Maybe someday he could tell me other details and share more of his feelings, but I couldn't take anymore without breaking down from the pressure and tidal wave of emotions this was causing.

"I think…" I began, trying to find the right words.

Jacob stopped me. "_I _think you need a break. I should go and let you process all this."

As he got up to leave, I didn't try to stop him. He was right about me needing to process. With each new bit of information I received, the more time I required to work through it all. I wondered if my mind would ever catch up with everything I was learning.

Just as he was about to walk outside, I called to him. "Jake, wait!"

"Yeah?" he asked, hand still on the doorknob.

"Thank you," I said softly.

He nodded a silent acknowledgement and left without another word.

**********

When I was with Seth, it was so much easier to forget about Jacob for a while.

When I was with Jacob, there was little I could think of other than our complicated, confusing situation.

But when I was alone, the floodgates were open.

In just a week's time, I had already grown incredibly tired of analyzing, over-analyzing, pondering, wondering, vacillating, and dithering.

There was a part of me that wanted to see Seth for so many reasons. I craved his company and the comfort I felt around him. He had been so sweet to visit and leave that rose for me, especially after the conversation we had in the woods about me smelling like a garden to him. More than anything, I knew we needed to confront what we were and put a name or title of some sort on it. That was also the part I wanted to avoid the most.

Making this thing with Seth real would undoubtedly impact Jacob. I knew that I hadn't fully accepted what or who I truly was to Jake, so it wouldn't be fair of me to jump into a relationship with someone he had trusted implicitly for so many years. Then again, I had to wonder how and if things would be different if it weren't Seth I was falling for right now.

Had I gone to high school on my own and developed a crush on one of my classmates, would it be as upsetting to Jacob? The question of whether it was me being with someone else or me with Seth in particular that bothered Jacob weighed heavily on my mind. Without seeking Jake's opinion, I knew who could possibly answer that for me.

My parents had arrived home shortly after Jacob left, which was a good excuse for me to avoid Seth a little bit longer. They asked me about my weekend, and I told them everything. It wasn't just that Daddy would see it all anyway. A new circle of trust had formed between us since the night of the dance, and maybe even before that when my dad came to me about my desire to go with Seth in the first place. For a fraction of time, I wanted to be upset that they had played a part in withholding the truth of Jacob's imprint from me, but the manner in which he took full responsibility for that did not allow me a reason to blame them. As it was, they had supported me, answered all my questions, provided clarifications, and given me the freedom to spend time with Seth.

They trusted me to make the best decisions and do the right thing, so I, in turn, trusted them with the details and the truth.

"I think it might do you some good to get away, sweetheart," Daddy suggested after our conversation. "What would you think about going to spend some time with your Grandpa Charlie?"

"I would love to see him, but what about school?"

Mom laughed lightly at my question. "I think you can afford to skip a few days, though I am glad that you enjoy it enough to worry about your absence."

"You're not, like, sending me away, are you?"

"No, baby. We're just hoping that a little 'out of sight, out of mind' can help."

"You'll come with me?"

"If you'd like," Daddy said.

"And I would love to see Charlie," Mom added.

We called Grandpa immediately and made plans. We would leave Wednesday after I returned home from school and we would drive to Forks together to visit until the following Wednesday morning. I was uncertain how Jacob and Seth would take it, but Daddy heard my concerns play out in my mind and assured me he would speak to them.

"They won't be coming along," my mom assured me. "You need time away, so if they try to follow, we'll go elsewhere. Is that all right with you?"

I agreed with the plan and eventually returned to the school work I had attempted to finish this morning before Jacob arrived. I would need to stay ahead of things if I was going to miss a week of school. Unlike my family, I needed sleep and didn't have endless amounts of time to complete homework.

Seth had tried to call me a couple times and had sent some text messages throughout the day, so I finally gave in and returned his call once all my other obligations were taken care of for the night. I apologized for letting another day pass without seeing one another, but he assured me that he understood. In a roundabout way, he told me that he knew Jake had come over earlier in the day to speak to me and that he understood my desire for alone time after that.

He was so sympathetic and sweet to me about everything that I felt quite selfish and guilty for not taking the time to consider how he was coping with everything. I didn't fully understand the imprinting process quite yet, which meant that I had no way of knowing what it was doing to Seth.

My parents had inferred that pack members were not allowed to interfere with or hurt the person someone else imprints on, unless like in my case, I made the decision first. He had resisted my initial pursuit at the dance, and that was what led to our explosive encounter in the woods behind the school. It had to be difficult for him to justify becoming involved with me, but he was still there, still acting as though he _did _want something more.

I had a lot to consider. I found myself wishing that we could escape immediately. Just the fact that I thought of it as escaping was a clear indication that it would be very good for me to get away for a while.

Even if I had wanted to – which I wasn't completely sure about just yet – I could not move forward with Seth before I had this time away. I hoped that by spending time with my family and no wolves that I would be able to shovel through some of this mess and figure out as much as possible on my end.

That was why I tried to pull back from Seth for the next few days. We didn't hold hands quite as much, and he didn't linger as long in the evenings after our homework was complete. It was an unspoken change, but he accepted it without question. I was thankful that he was so attuned to my needs that he understood that it wasn't a rejection, just an attempt to keep my mind from becoming clouded with unchaste thoughts. He still kissed me lightly each night before leaving my house, and I was grateful for that. It let me know that he was willing to pull back, but that he was still interested in me.

I said my goodbyes to Seth after school on Wednesday, and then went over to the house to hug Jacob and tell him I'd try to call while we were away. My parents had visited him after our conversation Sunday so that he would be prepared for my absence. He thanked me for coming over to see him before we left, and that was the extent of our exchange. A short while later, I was in the car with my parents, speeding down the highway toward Forks, Washington.

**********

"Well, Miss Carlie, you certainly look different from the last time I saw you!"

"Grandpa, you always say that," I giggled as he hugged me, then pulled back to give me a once-over.

"I do, but only because it's true. You're almost as tall as I am now. You were at least two inches shorter last time."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I agreed, smiling brightly for my doting Papa. "And thanks for remembering the name thing."

He chuckled at me, smoothing his facial hair unnecessarily. It was his nervous tick, and I always found it rather adorable. It was part of what made him Papa in my mind. "Well, how could I forget when it's the name you were given for your handsome grandfathers?"

"Especially this one," I said poking him.

"Oh, I don't think I could compete with Dr. Cullen, but you're a sweetheart, little girl."

Leaning close to his ear, I whispered to him. "Grandpa Carlisle may look like a TV star, but you're a regular Harrison Ford, Papa."

He reared back, laughing loudly and looking toward my daddy.

"Oh, Edward, my boy, I see you're not the only charmer in the family! Did you teach her that?"

"Hey, I'm plenty charming. Why couldn't it be from me?" my mom interjected with a hint of teasing in her tone.

"Honey, this boy had you dazzled from the first time you met. That kind of charm is a Cullen trait through and through."

Sue joined in the banter, defending her Charlie's ability to woo and enchant until we were all laughing with delight.

Once I was settled, my parents left me with my grandpa and Sue, saying that they would be at the old house and to call if I needed anything. I spent the next few days relaxing and spending time with my grandparents. Their wedding was coming soon, but Sue had always been around, so I thought of her as another grandmother. That visit was the first time I thought about how strange it was that my almost-grandma was my almost-boyfriend's mother.

It wasn't the weirdest thing in my life, that's for sure.

I didn't know if Sue knew anything of my recent involvement with Seth, but I assumed not since she hadn't mentioned it to me in the first couple days of my visit. I figured it was better that way for now. Things were complicated enough without getting Charlie, Sue, and their opinions thrown into the mix.

It was Saturday evening when Sue mentioned Leah that a new idea came to me. I phoned my parents to let them know what I had in mind first, then I got Leah's cell number from Sue and gave her a call.

"Hey She-Wolf," I said when she answered.

"Half-breed. It seems we need to have a little talk," she quipped back.

Our exchange wasn't rude or condescending; it was with complete humor. While Leah hadn't been especially fond of me when I was first born, her opinions changed as she spent more time with me. What was originally intended as an insulting nickname for me eventually became a joke between us. The moniker I chose for her came when I was old enough to develop a sense of humor. As the only female in the pack, it was an obvious choice.

We made plans to meet at Charlie's house, and then we would head out to Port Angeles for the day.

As I suspected, Seth had spoken to her and provided a brief rundown of what had been going on back in Oregon. She knew of the feelings that had developed between us, the details of the dance, and that the big secret of the imprint was finally out in the open.

"I'm just going to say up front that I'm not excited about the idea of my little brother getting caught up in the middle of this mess."

"It would have been nice to know there was a mess in the first place."

She sighed, telling me that she agreed.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked. I didn't particularly want to tell too many people about this when I hardly had a handle on it, but Leah's perspective was important to me. She was fiercely protective of her brother.

"No…I mean, I don't really know what to make of what's going on with you two or with Jacob."

"Do you want me to tell you my side?" I offered.

"Sure. I figured this was part of the reason you wanted to see me, so let's get it all out in the open."

I started with the beginning of the school year, describing to her what I had gone over in my mind far too many times recently. I detailed the deterioration of my closeness to Jacob and how overbearing he became with time. From there, I tried to convey the slow build of my attraction to her brother, both physically and emotionally. She hummed and nodded along, sometimes asking questions or commenting. When I covered the major details, I told her how I had recently been looking back on their actions, especially Jacob's, with my new knowledge of the imprint in mind.

"You really don't feel anything for Jacob?" she asked in wonder. "It's just so hard to believe that could happen."

"It's not that I don't feel anything, I just don't feel that tickle in my stomach when he's around. I miss him when we're apart, but there's no anticipation when I know I'm going to see him again. I want him in my life, just not that way," I explained. "But those things are there with Seth. He makes me smile and laugh, and we get along so well. I feel like I can relate to him better than anyone else. He's always so sweet, and I know you probably don't want to hear this stuff about your brother, but when he's close to me, I want him closer. When he touches me, I feel like I'm on fire. And the things he says…oh my gosh, Leah. It's always so sweet and powerful. Do you know what that's like?"

She was very quiet, and it began to worry me when she left the sidewalk to lead me into a coffee shop. We ordered some drinks and sat down at the table in the farthest corner before she replied.

"You've never heard my dating history, have you?" she asked, wrapping her hands around her warm cup of tea.

"No, I don't think so."

"Well, when I was still in school, the same thing happened to me. There was someone who did all those wonderful things to me, and we eventually fell in love. I thought my future was set. We planned to go to college together when I graduated, and then we'd have the rest of lives together. It felt like a fairytale. I was so happy."

Feeling a sense of foreboding, I gulped and looked at her with concern written across my face. "So what happened?"

"He imprinted."

I could not help the audible gasp that escaped my mouth, followed by a hand to cover my gaping.

"_Jacob?_" I asked in disbelief.

_Could this get anymore complicated?_

Her hands waved frantically as soon as I spoke. "No! Holy hell, no! Jake and I have never, _never_ been like that."

"Then who?" I asked, trying to work out the details in my mind. "Quil, Jared, or Sam," I said mostly to myself.

"The latter," she said very quietly.

"Really?"

She nodded her confirmation, and I immediately perplexed. How had Sam and Leah been together, and how had be imprinted on someone else when he was in love with Leah, especially if she had the wolf gene? Emily and Sam had always seemed so incredibly happy together whenever I saw them. Her smile was almost painfully bright when she looked at him, and Sam's adoration was sickeningly sweet.

"How?" I asked.

To my surprise, Leah laughed and shook her head. "Who knows, really? One moment we were blissful together and the next he started acting distant and weird. Then one day my cousins were visiting and it was like Sam couldn't even see me anymore."

"Oh my goodness, Leah. What did you do?"

"Eh, I don't like to think about it too much, but it was a pretty terrible kind of hurt. It was as though all the years we spent together and everything we shared no longer mattered to him. He wanted to be around her all the time, and even though she was initially disgusted that he would so blatantly pursue her right under my nose, she eventually gave it. Sam broke up with me as soon as the elders explained what happened, but I didn't know that."

"That must have been a very difficult time in your life."

"It was, especially because there was no way for me to fully understand it until I finally phased. All the tribe secrets were finally revealed to me, and the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together. The worst part was that he and my dad kept the truth from me, even before he imprinted on Emily."

I stared down at my cup, rubbing my fingers along the paper surface as I considered her words. Our situations were extremely different, but the common thread was that we were both impacted by an imprint. In her case, it was her love that imprinted on someone else. In mine, I had fallen for the wrong wolf.

Her story made me feel completely lost…impossibly more than I already had been feeling. I thought speaking to Leah would help me work through everything, but now I felt worse. I wanted to go back in time and somehow make this never happen. Back to my birth so Jacob would never imprint and I would have some semblance of a normal life, at least as normal as possible for someone like me.

"Are you all right there?" Leah's words drew me back to reality. I was unsure how long I had been gone.

"What am I supposed to do?" she said helplessly.

"I don't have those kinds of answers for you."

"What would you do?"

"Oh, sweetie," she said sympathetically, "you'll need to figure this out on your own."

I laid my head on the table, closing my eyes and enjoying the feel of the cool, smooth surface against my cheek. "If I pursue Seth, Jacob will be unhappy. If I give that up for Jacob's sake, I may never fall in love with him, which could hurt him even more. Or I could end up in a life – an eternity – with artificial love, at least on my side."

"I don't know that it would be that way," she offered. "Who says you need to make a decision now?"

I thought about that for a moment. "No one, I guess."

"Has Jacob asked you to begin a romantic relationship now?"

"No…"

"Okay," she said. "Just sit on it for a while. See what happens. Be a teenager, give yourself some time to grow up, and relax."

Picking my head up off the table, I looked at her seriously. "As good as that sounds, I don't think it's really possible. These feelings are so strong… How do I ignore them?"

Leah looked thoughtful, but then she finally perked up with a forced smile. "All right, I just thought of a couple things. Now, don't go getting any ideas because I'm not going to tell you what to do. Seth is my brother and Jacob is my friend, so I'm staying neutral here, but I have a question."

"Shoot," I said, waiting.

"Seth is still showing affection?"

"Umm, yeah," I said quietly, feeling embarrassment paint my cheeks with color.

"Then that means Jacob hasn't put an Alpha order on him. If he wanted to, he could tell Seth to stay away from you, and Seth would have to obey it. The Alpha's orders are unbreakable."

I hadn't even considered that, so her reference to that possibility caught me completely off guard. It was something I learned long ago when Jacob mentioned why there were two different packs.

Leah reminded me. "Since Sam was older and the first to phase, he automatically assumed the role of the Alpha. Jacob didn't want the responsibility," she explained. "At least not at first. We didn't know what would happen when Bella became pregnant, and the pack was focused on protecting the tribe from the possibilities."

She looked almost shameful as she repeated the story to me, but I already knew it and wasn't resentful. It was in the past.

"Leah, I already know that everyone thought I would be a monster. It's okay."

"It's not really, but thank you for that," she said, giving me a sorrowful half smile. "That was how Jacob broke away. Because he was the true Alpha, he was the only person who could deny Sam and betray his command."

"It hurt him," I said without thinking. I was caught up in the memory of the first time Jacob told me this story.

"Yes, it did. We were all in wolf form at the time, and it was the craziest thing I have ever experienced. He fought it so hard, and then, all of the sudden he was gone – poof! – out of our heads even though he was still in wolf form. It was frightening because no one knew what happened to him or if he was hurt. Seth followed him, which was why I did too, and I think you know the rest after that."

"I do."

"Well, my point…" she said, but drifted off into her head somewhere.

I pushed my cup aside and looked at her earnestly, begging her with my eyes to say what was on her mind.

She noticed and obliged. "My point is, although we have these ideas about the way things are, there are no defined rules. The Quileutes are a small people, so our experience and understanding of this only goes back a few hundred years. We believed that Jacob would be the Alpha because his grandfather was the last one, but Sam assumed that role. Then we thought it would stay that way…until it didn't. Jacob proved our preconceived notions wrong. There had never been a female wolf until me. No one had ever imprinted on someone who wasn't Native American until you, not to mention that you're also part vampire."

It was then that I realized we were in a public place, discussing the world of the supernatural like it was completely normal. To us, it was, but being careless could be dangerous if we were overheard. Glancing around, I saw that the shop was relatively empty and no one was paying us any mind.

"When it all comes down, I guess you could say that anything is possible," she continued when my attention returned to her.

"How so?" I asked for clarification.

"Just because an imprint has never been broken or not become romantic eventually, well, I don't think it's impossible. If I can be a wolf and there can be two separate packs with Alphas who can still hear each other, then maybe you don't have to be Jacob's mate. I'm not saying that you _won't_, I'm just saying that there's always a chance for a different outcome than we all expected."

I couldn't discuss it anymore. Leah's words had given me insight that no one else so far had, which left this burden solely on my shoulders.

What it all came down to was this: I had a decision to make.


	5. Finding My Own Way

**Chapter 5 - Finding My Own Way**

_Three Years Later_

"Happy graduation."

I shivered at the words whispered into my ear in an alluring baritone. I could hear the smile in his voice just before he kissed the edge of my jaw.

Pulling back, I stared up at him. It was impossible to keep my hands to myself when I looked at this man. Without hesitation, my touch drifted to his muscled arms, feeling them tense and relax under me. I moved across his chest, tickling up his neck until my fingers wound through his hair. The thick, coarse strands held a familiarity I relished as I tugged them between bending knuckles.

His eyes bore into mine, making me feel that same thrill they had since the day I fell in love with him. Dark and deep, they spoke of intense passion, as though I was all that he could see, despite the hundreds of people surrounding us. I glanced at my soft, pale skin against the darkness of his russet complexion and night-black hair, and it made my heart thump excitedly.

Getting here was agonizing, but that no longer mattered. I loved his man, just as he loved me.

When he saw my wide smile and intense gaze, he leaned toward me automatically. Our lips met, with sparks of passion and desire consuming us both. In that moment, I couldn't have been any happier.

* * *

After returning home from Forks, my life felt like a roller coaster of emotions.

I talked to Seth about our feelings. He wanted to be with me, even though he knew it could permanently damage his relationship with Jacob. He said he didn't care – his feelings for me were that strong – I was that important to him.

So many tears were shed on both sides when I went to Jacob.

_"You__ could give him an order as the Alpha to stay away from me. You could __make him go away," I said. It wasn't a question or suggestion; only a simple statement of the truth as I acknowledged the possibility._

_"But I haven't."_

_"Why?" I asked insistently. "If it pains you so much to see me give my affection to someone else, especially one of your brothers, then why do you allow it to continue?"_

_"Don't you understand me at all?" His hand rose to __tenderly __cup my cheek. His wide thumb stroked th__e bone beneath my eye with quiet reverence__. "__Your happiness is my happiness, even when it hurts me. I could never consciously inflict pain on you just to save myself from it."_

No matter what happened, someone would be hurt. No matter how I chose, it would hurt _me._

After months of wavering and indecision, avoidance and longing (on all our parts), I grew tired of feeling responsible for something I shouldn't have. Omissions and lies had been woven around me all my life, and as the bindings were released, I was the one left to fight my way out of the tangled mess. It exhausted me – mind, body, and soul. So I gave up. I gave in.

I chose refuge from the war of emotions in the only person I knew I could truly trust.

I chose myself.

**********

My family watched me turn into a despondent robot, and when they couldn't take it any longer, they stepped forward. They each tried to speak with me about my feelings – not all at once, which I was grateful for, but it was difficult nonetheless.

I still spent time with both Seth and Jacob because it was impossible to not do so, but my behavior was a farce. I pretended that they were both friends, just like we had been before I went to high school, learned the truth about the imprint, and everything changed. They were both accepting of avoidance tactics, always willing to be there when I needed them and wait in the wings when I stayed away, needing space.

They couldn't hide the looks, though. Even when they thought I couldn't see them watching me, I knew.

Things became easier eventually, but only because we had settled into a routine way of living. We'd all become good at pushing our longing aside, as though it didn't really exist at all. But it did. Someone was always hungering, whether it was for love, attention, affection, relief, or closure.

My parents took me away for the summers, starting with that very first year. We traveled to Europe, Africa, and South America. Sight-seeing was done mostly by night, but it did not detract from the beauty of each landscape, relic, or wonder of the world. We made stops in remote locations where old friends who had once defended my life welcomed me with open arms, praising my growth, beauty, and charm.

My favorite visit was to the Amazons, Zafrina especially. She and I shared pictures with one another, and the love she projected to me was almost motherly. When she questioned the hole she could sense in my life, not because of her ability but due to the strange bond we shared, I had no answers for her. She encouraged me to seek my happiness, not run from it. She said I was over-thinking things and therefore couldn't find my answer.

_"Open your heart, my darling. I see you've closed yourself for so long you can __no longer find_ your_ truth." She placed her palm against my forehead. "Stop using this…" Her other hand lay over my heart. "…and allow this to lead you."_

That was the third summer we traveled, and in the weeks between that visit and our return home, her words had haunted me.

Just before senior year began, we were back in Oregon, reunited with family and friends. With Zafrina's words echoing in my mind, something shifted.

Somehow, in the ten weeks we had spent away, everything changed. When I looked at my wolves, I no longer saw them the way I did before leaving for my summer holiday. Everything was new…different… It felt right. I knew it in my heart, just as Zafrina said I would.

One man accepted me with a love that felt like it could move a mountain. The other accepted my decision because he too loved me, and he understood.

My family was happy because I was happy, and I knew there was a collective sigh of relief that I had finally come back to life.

I was fully grown and matured, an equal to my family in every way but one.

_"I…I'm ready," I told him one spring night as we lay beneath a blanket of stars, far from the family homes._

_"You're sure?" he asked, furrowing his dark brows in concern. "We don't have to yet__. It hasn't even been a year__."_

_I flipped him onto his back, causing a stunned widening of his eyes. My playful grin was reflected back at me._

_"Absolutely."_

_With my confirmation, he kissed me softly, then hard, and soft again. __Words of devotion and adoration were whispered in my ear and aga__inst my skin, each followed by__ a loving lick or nip.__ Our bodies moved slowly and carefully__,__ eliciting a chorus of sweet sighs and the occasional uncomfortable squeak._

_It was perfect, not because we did everything right or without fumbling like the virgins we were, but because it was _us_, __and that solitary act was the manifestation of our love._

* * *

When our lips parted, we both continued to smile. Before turning toward my family to receive their congratulations, I stood on my tiptoes and whispered to him.

"Happy graduation to you too, Seth."

There were hugs all around, and when I received the final one from Jacob, I remembered his words on the day I told him of my decision.

_"I won't stop you, no matter how much it tears me up inside, but there's something I want to make sure you understand before you proceed."_

_Through tearful eyes, I nodded for him to continue._

_"There's always the chance he could imprint. On someone else, Carlie. Do you understand that?"_

_"Yes," I whispered, __hating myself for destroying my best friend's heart, but certain that I could no longer deny my need to be with Seth. Two and a half years had been long enough._

Seth took my hand as we exited the gymnasium where our high school graduation had been held.

Even if this didn't last, it would always be worth the time we had to love one another, of that I was certain.

A terrible, selfish thought lingered in the back of my mind. It was my deepest, darkest secret, and I had devoted a great deal of effort to hide it from everyone, especially my mind reading father. I knew that, even if this love did not survive, I would always have Jacob to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I prayed that he would never need to.


End file.
